My samurai
by AllenWalker1018
Summary: Allen had a few bad years in high school. Two years later he's getting help with his mental troubles. One actor Yu Kanda may be just what the troubled self hating author needs to heal and move on. Yullen. Rated M for reasons.
1. Meeting the actorauthor

The young author was pacing the living room of his rather upscale open floor planned apartment. He was in only a large white button up shirt but of course even alone in his apartment he wore his white fabric gloves. Usually pacing helped a little but the author's writers block had not changed in the last two hours he had been pacing. A knock on his apartment door made him jump a little before he moved to the door only opening it a crack to peek out. Out in the hall stood a tall man with lone fiery red hair and glasses staring down at the white haired fairly short author.

"Marian-san….I sent in the drafts….why are you here?" The author, Allen Walker, asked timidly. His deadline for his next bit wasn't due for another two months. Which is why Allen was rather confused as the why his editor, Cross Marian, was at his door and somewhat late at night too.

"Remember that actor you wanted as the main character for you movie turned book?" Cross forced his way into the apartment. Allen sighed closing the following behind Cross to the living room.

"Yes. What about it? Oh did he answer?" Allen suddenly felt happy yet nervous. Cross turned to face Allen about to light a cigarette but he noticed Allen tense up at the sight of the cigarette even though Allen tried to hide it. Cross looked to the cigarette before putting it away.

"Yeah. He's agreed to take the part. But on one condition." Cross held up his index finger which Allen blinked at.

"What might that be?" Allen inquired. What could the actor possibly want with Allen? He had no real say over anything concerning the movie or anything involving the actors….

"He wants to meet the author. You." Cross replied. Panic set in and Allen didn't even hide it.

"What? No. Not me. Have him meet my stand in. No way. I can't….he can't see me…." Allen started to pace again in distress rather than trying to get rid of his writers block. Cross watched Allen closely, he still had no idea what had Allen too afraid to really go out and meet people…it had started a few years ago. He started to act strange when he was 16 then at 20 he changed again. Moved into this apartment and rarely left it but for absolutely necessary things like groceries and such.

"Allen. He'll be here in ten minutes." That made Allen freeze before slowly turning to face Cross. Shock and horror covering his face. "He's your idol no? Why don't you want to meet him? I know how much you 'like' him."

"That…is two very different things! I never wanted to meet him in person! No! Don't let him in! I can't let him see me! He can't see me!" Allen closed his eyes and covered his ears like a child. Cross stared at Allen confused.

"Allen what the hell is your problem? Why are you so freaked out?" Cross demanded but Allen didn't move.

"I'm hideous. Tainted. No. He shouldn't have to look at me. I can't stand it when you look at me. You shouldn't have to see me either. No." Allen muttered like a fearful child as he turned waling to his room.

"Damn it Allen! Do I need to call Froi?" Cross growled as he followed after Allen. Allen was in his room the door closed as he was putting on some black dress pants but wasn't bothering to tuck in his somewhat wrinkled shirt.

"No! No….I'm fine….just don't let…." Allen was cut off by a knock on the front door earning both peoples attention. Cross started for the front door. Allen stood in his room trembling trying to figure out what to do. Cross let in the actor who was actually a little early. Allen could barely hear them talking from his room. Allen opened the door just a tiny bit to see Cross who was facing his door and a shorter long haired man in front of Cross with his back to Allen. The mans long dark hair was pulled back into a high ponytail. He had one hand on his hip in a display of agitation. Cross' eyes shifted from the man in front of him to Allen who was spying. The actor turned his head to look over his shoulder at what had earned Cross' attention. Allen jumped when dark blue eyes locked with his own grey eyes.

"Che. That's the author? He's just a kid." The actor stated a little annoyed.

"22" Allen called softly causing the actor to make a slightly puzzled look.

"What?" The actor demanded.

"I'm not a kid. I'm 22." Allen poked his head out a little.

"Well what the hell are you doing hiding like a kid if you aren't one?" The actor growled sending Allen back into hiding some.

"Don't do that. He's had some issues in the past. Not that he would tell anyone what happened." The last sentence Cross said was louder as that was aimed at Allen.

"I told **_someone_** just not you. Or anyone but my therapist…." Allen slowly emerged from his room standing in the hall awkwardly as he stared at the floor nervously. The actor scoffed not one hundred percent what to make of the white haired 'kid'.

"So Moyashi…..you're Guardian?" The actor turned to fully face Allen which for some reason made Allen blush looking further to the ground and take a step back. As the actor started to move closer to Allen Cross put a hand on his shoulder to stop him. Cross would never admit it out loud but he cared about Allen and didn't like him being scared.

"M-moyashi….? Allen. My name is Allen…." Allen peeked up at the actor. Man….he never though Yu Kanda, his most favorite actor could be so….broody….. Kanda had been an actor since he was a child and Allen had watched ever single movie or show Kanda had been in.

"Moyashi fits you better. That should be your pen name." Kanda huffed looking away folding his arms over his chest. Allen sighed softly. Slowly Allen walked up to the two guests in his apartment.

"Would you like something to drink Kanda-san?" Allen offered quietly as he walked past the two keeping as much distance as possible at the same time.

"Tea." Kanda turned same as Cross to watch Allen. Allen walked to the open kitchen setting up a kettle on the stove before getting a tea cup down and a glass. As the water heated up Allen poured Cross a glass of wine handing it to him.

"Thanks." Cross took the drink moving to sit on the couch. Kanda watched Allen as he stayed in the kitchen staring at the kettle as if that would speed up the process or something.

"So….Kanda-san….why did you want to meet me…?" Allen asked still staring at the kettle.

"Just Kanda. And look at who you are speaking to. Its rude not to." Kanda growled. Allen quickly looked at Kanda scared and not just from his tone of voice and Kanda could tell that…

"I'm sorry." Allen said softly.

"I wanted to meet Guardian cause I read all the books and was….curious." That was it? That was the only reason Kanda had wanted to meet him? That surprised Allen for some reason….

"You read all the book I wrote? Really? That makes me really happy." Allen smiled happily. Kanda actually blushed at the smile before looking away.

"Don't think too much on it. They aren't half bad that's all." Kanda huffed. Allen smiled chuckling softly.

"Even you saying they weren't half bad means a whole lot to me. You have no idea. Really." Allen smiled. In all honesty the main character of the series that was now being turned into a movie which Kanda was now starring in was based off of Kanda….not that Allen planned on telling him that.

"Whatever." The kettle going off drew their attention. Allen prepared the tea before setting it on the coffee table for Kanda gesturing politely offering him a seat on one of the couches. Kanda sat down on the couch opposite of Cross who was silently drinking. Allen sat beside Cross but not too close. The room was silent for a while till Cross' phone went off. After his conversation was over Cross stood up holding his empty glass out to Allen who took it looking up at him.

"I have to go. Will you be alright?" Allen could tell by Cross' eyes what he was referring to exactly, that being the actor who sat across from Allen.

"Yes." Allen said after some thought. "I'll be fine…Thank you Marian-san." Cross ruffled Allen's hair gently before glaring softly at Kanda then leaving.

"What the hell was that for?" Kanda demanded when Cross was gone. Allen laughed nervously.

"Sorry. He's protective though he won't care to admit it." Allen stood up taking Cross' glass to the kitchen.

"What is he? Your father or something?" Kanda huffed.

"Sort of actually. He's been helping me out ever since Mana, my foster father died when I was young." Allen commented from the kitchen.

"How young?" Kanda actually sounded a little interested.

"Hm? Oh….I was….about ten...Hard to say….I don't even know when my real….ah its not important." Allen walked out of the kitchen sitting back on the couch.

"What don't you know?" Clearly Kanda wasn't going to let it go. Allen sighed softly.

"My real birthday…my birth parents abandoned me as a baby….I really don't talk about it…." Allen gave a polite smile to in a way ask Kanda to drop it.

"Really….huh." Kanda turned away. To break the silence that had stretched too long Allen turned the tv on to some random channel. Allen made his way to the kitchen to get Kanda some more tea. Kanda looked over his shoulder to the tv for some form of entertainment while Allen was away.

_"….And Tyki Mikk another actor is flying into to play part in up and coming…" _Kanda attention was taken from the tv to the sound of crashing in the kitchen. When Kanda went to the kitchen to see Allen kneeling on the floor eyes shut and ears covers.

"No no no no no…" Allen whispered over and over. He freaked out falling back when Kanda had knelt down in front of him and put a hand on his shoulder. Allen looked down right terrified.

"Moyashi. What's wrong?" Kanda reached out to Allen who pulled away/

"No!" Allen covered his face turning his head away.

"What's wrong? Should I call Cross?" Kanda really had no idea what was wrong with Allen, why he was freaking out or what to do to make him stop. Guess Allen wasn't going to be okay alone with him.

"No….no….Tiedoll….Tiedoll…." Allen said behind his hands. Kanda blinked. Tiedoll…and Allen had a therapist? Only one person came to Kanda's mind. He pulled his phone out of his pocket dialing a number.

"Hey old man. I think…one of your patients is having a break down and I don't know what to do." Kanda spoke as Allen sat trying to make himself as small as possible trembling in fear.

"What? Yu….who are you with? What are you talking about?" An older gentle man's voice replied.

"I don't know. His name is Allen….that's all I know. All I know is he has a therapist and he's asking for 'Tiedoll' so…" Kanda was cut off by Tiedoll.

"Allen? Allen Walker? Can you put him on the phone?" Tiedoll was a little concerned.

"Not really old man! He's in a full blown panic attack!" Kanda growled.

"Yu….where are you?" Tiedoll asked. It was surprising that Kanda wasn't even mad that Tiedoll was using Kanda's first name.

"At his apartment. I don't know what to do! He's crying…and hiding…in a sense. He wont let me…." Kanda was cut off again by Tiedoll.

"Don't touch him. Just wait there. I'll be there shortly." And with that Tiedoll hung up leaving Kanda still very confused. When Tiedoll knocked at the door Kanda quickly answered the door. Tiedoll hurried to Allen who was still on the kitchen floor trembling but he hadn't said a word since saying Tiedoll's name. "Allen…..what happened?" Tiedoll asked softly as he knelt down in front of Allen in ball form. Tiedoll hadn't seen Allen this bad in a long time…at least a year. He had thought they had been making good progress….

"T-Tiedoll…." Allen slowly peeked at Tiedoll.

"Yeah. I'm here….Can you tell me what happened?" Tiedoll sighed when Allen shook his head hiding his tear stained face again. Tiedoll stood up looking to Kanda who was standing off to the side watching them. "What happened before he got scared?"

"I don't know. He turned on the tv, went to the kitchen to get me some more tea then all I heard was the cup break." Kanda shrugged.

"What was on tv?" Both looked to Allen when he protested.

"No no no. Bad. Bad name….bad man….bad place….why?" Allen said still hiding. Kanda had no idea what he was going on about but Tiedoll seemed to know.

"Oh….that explains it….you're okay Allen…You're safe. Remember? This is a safe place…." Tiedoll said softly as he knelt down in front of Allen again. Kanda tried to recall what had been playing on tv….but for some reason he couldn't remember.

"No….he came back….he's here….what if he comes and….no…" Allen sobbed. Tiedoll tried to calm Allen but nothing worked.

"Allen should I get Cross? I can't seem to reassure you…you're safe…." Tiedoll was a little lost.

"No. I…I….no. I….I'm okay…..I'm okay I think…." Allen took a deep breath as he slowly started to calm down a little. Slowly he looked up at Tiedoll.

"Hey….there you are." Tiedoll smiled softly as he pulled out a handkerchief. "Can I wipe your face?" Allen slowly nodded in response. Tiedoll gently wiped Allen's tears away.

"I'm sorry…I didn't mean to be a bother to either of you….." Allen sighed closing his eyes when Tiedoll was done being fatherly.

"Its fine Allen. This hasn't happened in a good long while….this is good progress. There are bound to be some steps back….it happens. I'm here to help you Allen so don't worry." Tiedoll gave a big smile. Allen sighed again laying down on his side.

"You really shouldn't lay there stupid Moyashi….there's tea cup pieces everywhere…." Kanda remarked making Allen look at him before closing his eyes.

"Yu….look….you should really be more nice…." Tiedoll sighed as he stood up getting the dust pan to clean up the broken cup. He had learned it was best not to touch Allen or try to move him after such episodes. Once the cup was cleaned up Tiedoll sat on the floor next to Allen. "Allen….now….do you care to talk?"

"Not really…"Allen sighed again. That was a concerning sign.

"Allen…" Tiedoll called Allen's attention.

"Yes?" Allen opened his eyes to look at Tiedoll. Even Kanda who had only met Allen today noticed the difference in Allen's demeanor. Yes Allen was shy but this passive….it was strange.

"Old man….what's wrong….?" Kanda called but Tiedoll waved him off not looking from Allen.

"Allen….focus. Please. Remember who you are. Where you are. You're not there anymore. No need for the defense." Tiedoll spoke softly, like to a young confused child.

"Heh. But its nice…I keep him safe….isn't that important…Allen being safe? No pain….no feelings…." Allen spoke in a more….playful manner or something like it.

"Nea…Allen doesn't need you anymore….he can't heal if you're still here…He needs to stand on his own…." Tiedoll explained carefully.

"No. You're wrong. He needs me. I keep him safe. He's here and Allen needs to be kept safe. **_You_** can't keep him safe. You don't understand. You won't be there if he finds Allen." 'Nea' smiled at Tiedoll almost sweetly.

"Allen **_is_** safe. It's been two years. I'm sure whoever hurt Allen has long since given up on him." Tiedoll offered.

"One does not give up on a obsession so easily." 'Nea' stated.

"You think he was obsessed with Allen?" Tiedoll even after two years didn't really have an any understanding to what had happened to Allen the four years he had been away from Cross.

"Heh. Of course. He didn't want anyone to have Allen. To want him….that's why he hurt him." 'Nea' put a hand to Allen's chest grinning. "He scarred Allen mentally, physically so no one would want him. So all Allen had was him. That is obsession is it not mister therapist?"

"…..I suppose you are right. But Allen has people to protect him. His friends, Cross, Me…you are only hurting Allen at this point which goes against your original creation no?" Tiedoll pointed out.

"Cross? Ha fat lot of good that drunk has done for Allen. Took him a year to find out Mana had past, that was a year Allen was on his own. Then didn't even care enough to stop Allen to save him from being to forced to move in with that man. All he cared was that he had no responsibilities when Allen left. So don't you dare talk about Allen having people! No one noticed his pain but me! So just leave him alone! He doesn't need you! Any of you! Only me!" 'Nea' sat up pushing on Tiedoll's shoulders but Tiedoll refused to budge.

"Nea….I think….you like that man…that you want to be with that man…all you did was talk about him before…I think you are obsessed with him as much as he was obsessed with Allen…" Tiedoll remarked making 'Nea' stare at him wide eyed.

"S-shut up! You're wrong! Stupid!" 'Nea' laid back down closing his eyes. Tiedoll sighed when Allen's breathing showed he was fast asleep. After some silence Kanda spoke.


	2. Small chat

**Author's note: forgot to mention that i do not own -man. And that there will sometimes be...rape. I'll warn you in authors note when that will occur in a chapter.** **Also...this is a short chapter. Sorry.**

**I don't own -man.**

"Who the fuck is Nea?" Kanda demanded. Tiedoll lifted Allen up off the floor carrying him to his bed laying him down before going to the living room to sit on the couch.

"Nea is Allen's split personality. I'm not sure exactly when he was created but he served as a shield when things were happening and Allen wanted absolutely nothing to do with it. He would take over so Allen wouldn't have to feel the pain and really not even remember a lot of what happened. I haven't heard from Nea in a long time…this is a step further back than I would have liked…" Tiedoll sighed. Now came the debate. What was best to do with Allen? How best to help him. Tiedoll had to call Cross…Allen wasn't a minor so Tiedoll really couldn't tell Allen what he told him…but Cross needed to know. "I have to call Cross."

"Froi. What the hell am I here for?" Cross demanded as he sat on one of the couches in Allen's apartment. Allen was still asleep which wasn't uncommon after Nea would leave. Kanda was sitting a the breakfast bar facing sideways so he could see the two in the living room who sat across from one another.

"Cross….Allen had a bad panic attack. Kanda called me and I had a talk with…Allen…for a moment." Tiedoll started to explain.

"Nea came back….didn't he? What happened?" Cross automatically looked to Kanda glaring slightly but Kanda sat unbothered. He hadn't done anything wrong so he needn't be bothered by Cross' glare.

"No not Yu. I think…something….a person on the tv triggered it. He said he knew the person who had hurt him was back. But…that's actually not my main concern. My main concern is Nea….I think its actually Nea who keeps Allen locked up here so he'll feel alone and be driven back to that person…." Tiedoll sighed. Cross stared at Tiedoll, he had never thought of that.

"So…one side loves that man….and the other is terrified…that's…..rather complicated….damn kid…you're life really sucks." Cross muttered looking away closing his eyes.

"…Don't say that. Don't pity me…" A small voice earned everyone's attention. Allen stood half asleep just barely in the room. They all stared wide eyed at Allen Cross most of all.

"Kid…." Cross started but was cut off by Allen shaking his head.

"I'll be alright. Really. I'm fine." Allen smiled softly.

"Allen….were you aware of Nea?" Tiedoll spoke up.

"Of course. Nea promised me he would keep me safe. When bad times were happening he would take my place….I know he wants to be real….to take my place and always be with…**_him_**. But the bad times are over and I don't need Nea right. I can learn to…block him can't I Tiedoll….?" Everyone looked to Tiedoll.

"Of course you can Allen. You….created Nea…you can be rid of him as well. It will just take some time…" Tiedoll nodded. Allen rubbed his face with his hands still rather tired.

"Why don't you get some more sleep kid?" Cross stood up walking over to Allen.

"Allen. My name is Allen. Not kid or Moyashi. Allen." Allen walked away from Cross towards the kitchen. Everyone watched Allen like he might explode or something with he got a glass of water to drink.

"Allen…how are you feeling?" Tiedoll called. Allen rubbed his forehead before pushing his bangs out of his face.

"I don't want to talk….not right now…Just…everyone leave…please…?" Allen said to the kitchen sink. I'm going to go back to bed. So there's no point in any of you being here…" Allen took his glass of water heading to the bathroom.

"He's probably taking his sleep medication. He'll be asleep soon. Lets go." Tiedoll ushered the others out of the apartment. Cross used his spare key to lock the door before leaving. Allen stood in the bathroom after taking his sleep medication staring in the mirror. Slowly Allen started to unbutton his shirt before taking it off. All over his chest were scars, the biggest one was a hug jagged scar that ran from his right shoulder down vertically almost all the way down to his hip. His left arm was scarred from having been burned in a fire. Allen stared in the mirror touching the scars with his right unmarked hand before punching the mirror cracking it and cutting his hand. Allen scowled before leaving the bathroom going to his bed to sleep for a while.

Kanda got into his car and sped off to not even god knows where as he had some thinking to do. Tiedoll and Cross stood outside the apartment building debating things. Cross was happy to light a cigarette as soon as he was outside. They decided they would go to Tiedoll's office and talk about Allen.

"So….what the hell do you think brought Nea back?" Cross inquired as he sat at Tiedoll's desk putting his feet up on the surface. Tiedoll sat on one of the couches int the room.

"Well I'm going to assume whatever triggered Allen's panic attack. Not to protect Allen as he claims though. I think the name of the person was said on the tv and Allen reached in fear and Nea reacted in longing….I can't say for sure. There is still a lot Allen is hiding from me…Too bad Yu couldn't remember what was on the tv…" Tiedoll sighed. And if only Allen would open up more. If Tiedoll understood everything that had happened to Allen he could help him heal. Really all Tiedoll had learned in the past two years was that a man had seriously scarred Allen. Physically and mentally, though Tiedoll had only learned of the scars today not that he had seen them. Tiedoll knew that Allen had been pretty much imprisoned by that man for four years and was forced to do things that Allen hadn't wanted to do. Which led to the creation of Nea Tiedoll was sure.

"I don't understand him. Does he not want help?" Cross sighed in aggravation.

"He does. He reached out to me. He just doesn't want anyone to know the pain he's going through. He doesn't want to be a burden on anyone. But he also doesn't want to be weak. So he **_does_** want help but its conflicting. Be weak and get help. Or be weak by fear." Tiedoll couldn't really explain it right in words.

"He doesn't want people to see how 'tainted' he is. That's what it is. Has nothing to do with being weak for him. He called himself tainted I'm not saying he is. It's eating him alive….doesn't take a therapist to see the kid is breaking." Cross sighed again. Damn if only he had paid more attention to Allen. This wouldn't have happened if he had noticed what was going on with Allen.

"Tainted….that's not a new term for him to say…I thought we had gotten past that….I might have to start all over with him. Just what happened to him?" Tiedoll sighed also. Seems his thoughts on how well they had been doing was entirely wrong. Well they had an appointment in two days so Tiedoll had some time to figure out a plan.


	3. Session

**Authors note: Don't own man. Short chapter. its just Allen's therapy session with Tiedoll.**

Two days later came said appointment and Allen was pacing the room which was routine for their meetings. Tiedoll watched Allen as he paced around. They had only just started and Allen had already shut down. Tiedoll had confronted Allen about telling him everything that had happened during the four years Allen had lived away from Cross. It was clear Allen was debating what to do. He kept looking to the door in an almost indiscreet way as if he might make a run for it rather than share his history. Finally Allen sat on the couch across from Tiedoll deciding he would share his story.

_"Hey kid. I've seen you sitting here alone a lot. Don't you have any friends?" A tall man with long dark curly hair who was clearly of a whole different class than Allen stood in front of almost 16 year old Allen who was sitting in a park near his high school. Allen stared up into the man's golden eyes for a while deciding what to say or if to say anything at all. _

_ "Not really. I prefer being alone." Allen added the last part in hope the man would take a hint and leave but it seemed Allen had no such luck. The man decided to sit on the bench beside Allen. Allen slid away from the stranger a little clearly not liking how close they were._

_ "Are you afraid of germs or something?" the man inquired curiously as he looked to Allen's gloved hand that gripped the edge of the bench. Allen also looked down to his hand. He pulled his hand away when the man reached out to touch his hand._

_ "No." Allen stated plainly with a hint of irritation. The man pulled his own hand back watching Allen closely making Allen very uncomfortable. He could tell something was off about this man. "I have to go." Allen stood up about to leave till the man grabbed Allen's wrist. As Allen pulled his wrist away he lost his glove. Sadly it was his left hand to his scarred hand showed. Allen quickly snatched his glove from the man putting it back on his hand before running away. The stranger watched Allen run away with a devious grin. _

_ A few days later Allen was in the public library in a small conference he often used to do his school work in or just hang out when he didn't feel like being at home alone. His heart sank when the stranger from the park entered the room closing the door and quietly locking it. Allen stood up looking like he might throw one of his books at the man._

_ "Relax. I'm not going to hurt you. I just want to talk. That's all." The man assured Allen who did not relax at all. He actually moved to the side of the table opposite of the stranger when he started to walk up to Allen. That made the stranger chuckle softly with a predatory look in his eyes. That was a very bad look. Allen was ready to run, luckily all his stuff but one book was in his bag so he could easily grab his bag and run. The stranger produced a large envelope setting it on the table sliding it over to Allen. Slowly, cautiously Allen picked the envelope. He pulled out some papers examining them carefully. The papers were about a huge outstanding debt Allen's guardian had with a certain family. _

"Wait…." Allen stopped his story telling to discuss something with Tiedoll. Tiedoll was a little surprised by Allen's sudden stop.

"Something wrong?" Tiedoll looked up from his notepad to Allen who seemed concerned.

"I don't care what you tell Marian-san….but you cannot tell him the reason why I was with this man. You promise?" Allen decided if Tiedoll intended to Cross Allen wouldn't tell him anything further and Tiedoll knew this.

"Alright. I won't tell him the reason." Tiedoll nodded before Allen resumed telling his story.

_ "What is this?" Allen demanded looking from the papers to the stranger. The strangers grin only grew. This bode ill for Allen he was sure of that. Allen hadn't even seen his guardian in a few years so why was this man approaching Allen about his debts?_

_ "One Cross Marian's debts to my family. Now since he hasn't been seen or heard from in years….the debt falls to his next of kin in a sense…and that is one Allen Walker. Adopted son of Mana Walker, who then became Cross Marian's charge when Mana died." Allen was surprised the stranger knew so much about him. Wait…Allen looked to the paper again. Cross owed millions of dollars! Allen was only 15! There was no way he could ever pay that off!_

_ "I will never be able to pay this off! This isn't fair!" Allen complained. _

_ "Life isn't fair. But I have a solution. My name is Tyki Mikk…and I can help you pay off the debt since it is to my family…." Tyki, the stranger in front of Allen grinned. When Allen didn't dare ask how he would help Tyki explained himself. "But of course it won't be for free. You'll have to work for me for the money…as my pet." Allen stepped to the side when Tyki started to move around the table. Pet was never a good term to hear when as an occupation to pay off a very high debt. _

_ "Why me? I haven't seen Marian-san in years. He really hasn't been much of a guardian…I shouldn't have to take on his debt." Allen argued hoping he could talk himself out of this but the look in Tyki's eyes really made it hard to believe he could. There was no reasoning with this man. He knew what he wanted and had ever intention of getting it. And what Tyki wanted was the sweet innocent looking teen before him. He wanted to break Allen, to break his spirit for some reason. _

_ "He is still your legal guardian and his debts legally fall to you. There is nothing you can do. Do you know what the Noah family is?" Tyki had Allen backed up against a wall. Allen hadn't even registered that he had been backing away from the man till his back gently bumped into the wall. Definitely a place Allen hadn't wanted to find himself in. Since his voice seemed to have run away Allen shook his head. He had never heard of the Noah family before now. _

_ "We're the biggest Mafia family in the country. Most powerful too. Are you sure you wish to upset them? Upset me? Because if this debt isn't paid….we'll go after Cross…and you. And we'll bleed the two of you dry…or kill you. Either one we deem more fitting, more…painful." Tyki made Allen look up at him by tilting his chin up with his index finger and thumb. Allen's eyes went wide when Tyki leaned in but Tyki stopped when their faces were barely and inch apart. Allen's heart was beating fast with fear. Seeing the fear in Allen's face only served to excite Tyki further. "Well? What do you say? Pay off the debt by being my pet till its paid off or suffer the wrath of the Noah family?"_

_ "D-do I have to decide right now….?" Finally! Now his voice starts to work! Tyki chuckled taking a step back from Allen who did not relax at all. _

_ "You have a day to decide. I'll find you when your time is up. I'll see you around." Tyki promised before leaving as suddenly as he had shown up and scared the hell out of Allen. Allen stood slightly trembling as he stared at the floor. What choice did he really have? He was just a kid with no where to turn. He was on his own and thanks to his lousy excuse of a guardian he was now millions of dollars in debt. _

_ "Damn…." Allen swore as he gathered his stuff leaving the library. He went home to his very small run down one room apartment. It was all his part time job could afford and still let him be able to afford food. Allen dropped his back right inside the door taking his shoes off before heading to the fridge for some food. After eating Allen tried to work on homework but with what happened at the library he couldn't focus at all. His life was about to become a living hell and he knew it…. But just what would Tyki Mikk do to Allen? None of the thoughts were pleasant ones for Allen…. What the hell was Allen supposed to do!? It wasn't Allen's fault his parents abandoned him at birth, that Mana had died leaving him with the worst guardian in history and it certainly wasn't __**his **__fault the man had drinking problems and no self control. Allen gave up on homework as he could…possibly…work on it tomorrow as he wasn't really sure when Tyki would randomly show up again. _

_ Allen sat watching one of his favorite movies that starred Yu Kanda who was only 17 at the time, but the movie was a little older so Kanda wasn't 17 in the movie. To young Allen Kanda seemed like…a samurai, strong brave, courageous, simply….amazing. As the movie played Allen had a notebook out on the coffee table for him to write his story in as he sat on the floor. _

_ The next day Allen was cleaning his apartment when a rather unwelcomed guest came into his apartment uninvited. Tyki walked into the apartment without even taking his shoes off as he looked around. Allen was standing in the kitchen area staring at Tyki in disbelief for the fact that he knew where Allen was and for his nerve. Well it wasn't overly surprising that Tyki knew where Allen lived given everything else he knew about Allen. _

_ "One bed. You really do live alone." Tyki commented as he sat on the bed in the only room of the apartment other than the bathroom. _

_ "Your point? Who could I possibly live with right now?" Allen practically growled at Tyki which was rather out of character. Usually he was very polite to people. But this man __**did**__ want to turn him into some kind of pet. _

_ "Me." Tyki stated like it was matter of fact. That made Allen go speechless for a moment._

_ "Come again? Sorry…I haven't agreed to anything yet…" Allen countered as he turned away from Tyki not wanting to look at him right now. "I don't even know by what terms of 'pet' you are going off of."_

_ "As a sex slave of course. And what ever else I want. But don't worry. I have no intention of whoring you out or anything. No…your body would belong to only me." Tyki grinned. Allen opened his mouth to protest but he couldn't Saying no….that would put Cross in danger. And even though Allen never saw him Allen didn't want him to get hurt. Allen balled his hands into fists as he turned to face Tyki._

_ "….I don't really have any choice do I?" Allen growled softly hating the situation he was in. _

_ "We always have a choice, it just seems like we don't. So…are you agreeing?" Tyki stood up from the bed. Allen closed his eyes to think things over._

"So….you felt you had no other choice?" Tiedoll interrupted Allen.

"I didn't. It was pay off the debt or possibly die because of it. And it wasn't just my life in the balance. It was Marian-san's too. I couldn't let him get hurt just cause I didn't want to deal with Tyki." Allen stated standing up rubbing his thighs before he set about pacing again. "So I made a choice. A bad choice but a choice none the less."

"What do you feel when you look at Cross now?" the question made Allen turn to Tiedoll confused.

"Wha- why do you ask?" Allen seemed a little…agitated?

"Well all of this ties back to Cross. Him leaving you alone, accumulating debt then running off….do you blame him?" Tiedoll clarified his question.

"No! Don't ever think that I do again! It was **_my_** choice. I blame myself and Ty-….and that man." Allen said rather bitterly.

"Alright…I'm sorry Allen." Tiedoll looked to his notepad.

"Can I continue now?"

"As much I would like to say yes….we are out of time for today. We'll continue in our next session okay?" Tiedoll stood up. Allen rather than say anything or be polite he simply hurried out of the room. Tiedoll knew how upset Allen was but there was nothing he could do since his next patient was already walking into the room. Also Tiedoll couldn't tell Cross what Allen had told him….but Cross at the same time needed to know….this was complicated.


	4. Surprise visits and making plans

**Authors note: Do not own man.(edited)**

Allen walked home at a rather fast pace. He was rather agitated by Tiedoll trying to say it had been Cross' fault. Not once had Allen ever thought it was Cross' fault. Allen had made the decision to become Tyki's pet to pay off the debt. Nothing in that situation had to do with Cross. He hadn't made Allen pay off his debts. The apartment door slammed shut before Allen locked the door then went to his office to try and work on his story. In the end Allen was too agitated to write.

Allen leaned back in his chair covering his eyes with his arm letting out a sigh. It wasn't like him to be so angry but for some reason what Tiedoll had said had really upset him. It really hadn't been Cross' fault had it…? ….Maybe if Cross had been there like a real guardian had been maybe Allen wouldn't had to have made such a grown up decision. If he had been there…Allen would have someone to turn to…someone to protect him. A tear rolled the side of Allen's cheek as he thought all of this over. He jumped when there was a knock on the front door. Slowly Allen made his way to the door opening it slightly.

"K-Kanda…? What are you doing here?" Allen asked softly as he saw Kanda standing in the hallway. Kanda seemed a little agitated himself but that seemed to be the norm for him.

"To be honest…I don't even know. You gonna let me in?" Kanda huffed looking off to the side.

"Kanda…I really don't think now's a good time for me….I'm trying to work…and my mood isn't the best…" Allen admitted which was rare for him. Must be from the therapy session. Tiedoll always made Allen be honest about how he was feeling at the time.

"What's got you moody?" Kanda demanded softly as he looked at Allen out of the corner of his eye. Allen seemed rather tired and on edge. Rather different from the scared kid from the other day.

"Nothing….just something Tiedoll said…made me realize some things…that's all." Allen gave in opening the door to let Kanda in. Kanda stepped into the apartment turning to face Allen as he closed the door. Allen started towards the kitchen ignoring Kanda's studying eye.

"What did the old man say?" Kanda followed Allen watching him closely.

"That's been me and him as it was in a session. Something to drink?" Allen offered Kanda.

"Same as before." Kanda made his way to the couch as Allen prepared the kettle. Silence stretched only the kettle making a sound till Allen sat across room Kanda.

"So…I doubt you came here just for tea as you could get that just about anywhere. What made you come here?" Allen inquired as he set the tea cup in front of Kanda on the coffee table.

"I told you. I don't really know….to be honest, I'm curious about you." That made Allen stand up quickly.

"Why?" Allen seemed…frightened, on alert or something. Like Kanda might decide to suddenly charge at him or something.

"I'm not gonna hurt you. I just want to know…why you seem so scared. I've never seen anyone look as terrified as you did. Or as you do now from just words." Kanda stated not moving as he didn't want to scare Allen further. Kanda truly was curious about Allen. But to be honest to himself he had also hated to see Allen so scared for some reason. Allen stood silent for a while thinking things over. He didn't want to get hurt anymore. Be it by someone controlling, or by him getting attached then left alone again. So Allen decided he was going to scare away the man that Allen thought was too beautiful, too perfect to ever look upon Allen. The grin that played on Allen's lips concerned Kanda but he didn't show it.

"You really want to know? Truthfully? Cause the truth…might disgust you." Allen continued to grin.

"Yes. I want to know. That's why I'm here." Kanda watched in confusion as Allen pulled his gloves off then started to unbutton his white shirt. He noticed Allen's scarred left hand as it worked on the buttons of his shirt and the scars that peeked through as his shirt started to open. Kanda actually stared wide eyed as Allen completely removed his shirt to reveal his scarred torso. Slowly Kanda stood up walking over to Allen.

"I was a sex slave. For four years. To pay off a debt. I belonged to a man, his word, my every command. When I disobeyed or tried to run…he hurt me. He uglied me up, broke me so no one would ever want me. I'm disgusting don't you think?" Allen grin never wavered as he spoke. Kanda stared down at all the scars on Allen's body. To Allen's confusion Kanda didn't seem disgusted or anything. Just…curious. It looked like he was trying to memorize every scar on his chest. When Kanda reached out to touch the large jagged scar on Allen's chest Allen pulled away. "Why? Why aren't you disgusted? Don't…don't touch me! I'll taint you!" Allen turned away covering his ears and closing his eyes.

"You aren't broken." That caused Allen to open his eyes staring wide eyed at the door to the apartment. Slowly he turned his head to look at Kanda. Had Allen heard that right? Had Kanda really just said that? That caused Allen to start laughing. "Listen to me!" Kanda shouted when Allen's laughter went for too long. He turned Allen so he was facing him before he gently slammed Allen into the wall which silenced Allen.

"You aren't broken! You aren't ugly! So shut the hell up! You are simply scarred. That's all. You aren't tainted." Kanda gently shook Allen who was dead silent staring at Kanda. Maybe Kanda was as crazy as he was….

"Are….you mental?" Allen whispered.

"No I'm not fucking mental stupid Moyashi. You are still alive. You still have fight. You aren't broken. But you keep up thinking the way you are and you'll only break yourself." Kanda was now holding Allen's wrists up slightly as Allen had tried to get away from him. Allen stopped struggling to stare at Kanda.

"….How did you know who to call? All I had said was Tiedoll…and you knew who to call…." Allen commented thoughtfully.

"Finally clicked did it? You said Tiedoll and I know of a Tiedoll who is a therapist which I knew you were seeing one as you had mentioned it. Tiedoll is my foster father." Kanda stated indifferently.

"Explains all the psycho babble you are spewing." Allen almost snipped. Kanda scoffed smirking slightly.

"You don't like his methods? Why see him then?" That made Allen look away.

"….I know….that I need help….I'm not stupid…" Allen said softly. Kanda released Allen's wrists but they stayed in the air between the two.

"Then shut up and accept help. I was just giving you advice. No need to snap at me." Kanda made Allen look at him by placing Allen's chin between his thumb and index finger.

"D-don't do that." Allen pulled away tears forming in his eyes. The way Kanda had done that reminded Allen of Tyki. And Allen hated himself for even remotely comparing the two. But he hadn't meant to, the memory just popped up of its own free will.

"Don't do what? Give you advice?" Kanda wanted clarification. Allen was silent for a moment.

"No. Don't make me look at you like that. He would do it that way…. When I refused to look at him. Which was very often." Now Kanda looked disgusted.

"Never doing that again." Kanda turned to the side. So…Allen didn't disgust him….but doing things like Tyki had did? He was a very strange man.

"You….are very strange….I don't understand you at all…I can't read you at all." Allen said softly. Usually Allen was good at reading people so Kanda really confounded Allen. Kanda turned his head to look at Allen. "You don't find me disgusting at all…not how I look…or what I've been….But you find doing what he did disgusting. I don't understand." Kanda stared at Allen in silence as Allen stood with his eyes shut tears rolling down his cheeks.

"Why are you crying?" Kanda demanded softly.

"I want to scare you away. Make you never want to look upon me again…but you keep looking at me….how….? I can't even look at myself I'm so disgusting." Allen barely spoke above a whisper. Kanda continued to stare at Allen.

"I was always aware of how dark and twisted your life had been. So it came as no surprise. Though I hadn't realized self loathing was something you had going on. Before you ask, it was obvious in your writing to the trained eye." Kanda moved back to the couch. "What happened to your hand?" Allen looked to his bandaged hand.

"….I uh….decided I didn't like my mirror." Allen picked up his gloves and shirt getting dressed.

"We're going out next week. Now alone so you'll be comfortable. Staying up here all the time won't help you heal. And you want to heal right?" Kanda looked up at Allen who was in the process of buttoning up his shirt. Allen stopped his work stare back at Kanda.

"Out? Out where?" Allen didn't really go out. He would only go out for groceries when he couldn't convince Cross to bring him supplies or when he had sessions with Tiedoll. He preferred the solitude of his apartment. Wait…when had **_Kanda _**become his therapist?

"Movies. I'll invite two of my friends. Don't worry, they're harmless. Well one is harmless unless you are a girl, then he's a huge flirt. The other is a girl. I'll send you the information when I know the time and what theater." And with that Kanda left Allen dumbfounded and alone in his apartment.

A week later Allen was walking up to the theater when he recognized a male standing outside the theater. The male had short red hair and bright green eyes. Allen really hadn't expected to see him here and definitely thought it was simply coincidence.

"Lavi?" Allen called as he walked up to the red head. Lavi turned hearing his name but not completely recognizing the voice who had called it.

"Allen?" Lavi went wide eyed with shock when he recognized Allen.

"Hey. Long time no see." Allen smiled awkwardly. It was really strange seeing Lavi again after so long. He wasn't really sure how Lavi would react.

"Yeah! Two years! How have you been?" Lavi beamed stepping up to hug Allen but stopped when Allen took a step back. He did his best to hide the hurt in his eyes.

"Yeah. Sorry…I uh…don't really like being hugged…." Allen felt bad. He hadn't meant to upset Lavi. Lavi had been a close friend at one point. "But….I've been…well…" Allen gave his best fake smile, the one most couldn't tell was faked.

"That's good. What are you doing here?" Lavi grinned.

"Oh…I'm meeting…some people?" Allen wasn't sure how to explain it. He had no idea what Kanda was to him and he had no idea who Kanda's friends were.


	5. Broken Trust

**Authors note: don't own man. do i really have to say that every time? Oh...and please review**

"Hey! Sorry we're late!" A female voice called making Lavi turn around smiling brightly. "It was hard tracking down Kanda." A girl with long dark green hair in pig tails walked up to Lavi with Kanda at her side.

"It was **_you _**who was hard to find. **_I_** didn't get lost." Kanda growled softly.

"Heheh, yeah that's right…wait…Allen? Is that you?" The girl noticed Allen who looked like he was trying to hide behind Lavi.

"H-hey Lenalee…" Allen smiled softly. When Lenalee stepped up to hug Allen Lavi wrapped his arms around her waist hugging her from behind.

"What? I don't get a hug Lena?" Lavi pouted playfully. Lenalee looked over her shoulder at Lavi and saw in his face it was a bad idea to hug Allen.

"So…you all know each other?" Kanda spoke up earning everyone's attention in the group.

"Yes. We all went to high school together. But…how do you know them?" Allen inquired.

"We all grew up together. Ain't that right Yu?" Lavi grinned at Kanda completely unfazed by Kanda's death glare.

"Don't fucking call me that stupid Usagi." Kanda growled but Lavi simply laughed. Since introductions weren't necessary the group went into the theater getting snacks and popcorn before going and finding their seats in the theater. Lavi sat on one side with Lenalee on his left then Kanda then Allen on the end. Lavi and Lenalee were whispering to each other through the previews as Allen and Kanda were silent. Allen was distracting himself by eating the large popcorn he had. Kanda was staring at the screen rather bored. The group had selected a horror movie because Lavi wanted a reason to hold Lenalee. Allen was a little surprised that those two were still dating after so many years. They actually were engaged as they had been dating for five years. It was a little hard to focus on the movie when knew Kanda kept looking at him very so often studying him. Finally Allen threw a piece of popcorn at Kanda's face with surprising accuracy before looking at him when Kanda had been staring at him again. Kanda blinked at Allen surprised.

"Stop staring at me. I can't focus on the movie knowing I'm being studied. If I had wanted to be studied I would have rather come with Tiedoll." Allen whispered so only Kanda could hear who was still slightly in shock. Kanda took a piece of popcorn from Allen before gently hitting him in the face with it as pay back. To an even greater surprise to Kanda, Allen actually let out an honest laugh. And Kanda was surprised that he actually found Allen's laugh cute.

"Fine. Now watch the movie." Kanda gently pushed Allen's face so he was facing the screen. Allen grabbed Kanda's hand moving it from his face. Both seemed to be thinking the same thing as both intertwined their fingers together their hands resting on the arm rest together. They stared at their hands before looking to each other then to the screen blushing softly. Kanda almost wished that Allen didn't wear those gloves everywhere but oh well.

"Are they dating?" Lenalee whispered to Lavi so the other two in the group couldn't hear." Lavi looked to Lenalee confused then to Allen and Kanda. He was amazed to see Kanda holding hands with anyone.

"I don't know…maybe?" Lavi shrugged. "I would assume so…Kanda isn't a hand holder…"

After the movie was over Allen and Kanda quickly let go of each others hands before leaving the theater. The group decided to get lunch together as it was a little after noon. They found a nice café nearby to eat at. Lenalee and Lavi sat across from each other as Allen and Kanda sat across from each other.

"So…Allen what did you after you graduated? Go to college? Get a job?" Lavi looked to Allen who shifted uncomfortable in his seat.

"I got a job…sort of. I write. I'm an author. But I'm under a pen name so…yeah…." Allen smiled softly.

"Really? That's amazing Allen. How many books have you published?" Lenalee inquired.

"Hm….nine I think." Allen wasn't one hundred percent sure. Was that bad?

"Why don't you tell them who you are? They're your friends right?" Kanda was pushing Allen to be more open and social. Allen narrowed his eyes at Kanda for a moment. "Because it would be weird for me to know and them not to since they've known longer." That earned Kanda a somewhat gentle kick in the leg from Allen. Kanda glared at Allen.

"Aw….Yu no fair! How do you know Allen's pen name?" Lavi whined both he and Lenalee seemed to have missed Allen kicking Kanda somehow.

"He's acting in the film that my first book of a series is being turned into." Allen stated after a moment of debate. He was still softly glaring at Kanda who was now looking at the menu. "And to get him to actually act in it I had to agree to meet him…"

"So…when did you two meet?" Lenalee really wanted to know if they were dating.

"Um…about two weeks ago…?" Allen looked to Kanda for confirmation but he was still looking at the menu. Great help he was.

"So…you two aren't dating?" Lenalee sounded disappointed. Allen turned bright red staring at Lenalee wide eyed and Kanda was glaring at her. Of course **_that_** got his attention.

"Da-dating? No. No way. Kanda would never date some one like…ow…." Allen winced rubbing his leg where Kanda had kicked it. Lenalee and Lavi looked to Allen confused.

"No. We aren't dating. We only just met." Kanda said in a much more calm manner than Allen. Hold on….why did it sound like Kanda had said that in a way that indicated that they could possibly be dating in the future? And why….didn't that freak Allen out? The group chatted for a while. Kanda reached out taking one of Allen's fries who took it back not really upset about it. He then tried to poke Kanda in the face with the fry but Kanda bit the fry which made Allen laugh. Kanda actually smiled softly which made Allen stare at him. His laughter had made Kanda smile? Even just a little….that small smile made Allen's heart skip a beat in a good way. Allen opened his mouth to say something but closed it.

"What is it Moyashi?" Kanda had noticed Allen wanted to say something but had stopped himself.

"It's nothing." Allen smiled softly as he shook his head gently.

"Moyashi? Why do you call him Moyashi?" Lavi inquired.

"Same reason I call you baka Usagi. It fits." Kanda leaned back in his seat closing his eyes and folding his arm over his chest. Suddenly Allen's phone went off making Allen jump slightly.

"Sorry." Allen fished his phone out of his pocket. "Marian-san?"

"Where are you? Why aren't you in your apartment?" Cross replied over the phone.

"Are you at my place right now?" Allen blinked confused. Cross had been visiting a lot more frequently which was concerning.

"Yeah. I'm standing in your office surprised to find it empty." Cross seemed a little agitated and concerned.

"I'm out….with friends…eating…is that alright?" Allen hoped Cross wouldn't be upset.

"Friends? What friends? Allen you never leave your apartment. Are you alright?" Cross was more concerned now then he had been two minutes ago.

"High school friends…and Kanda. And I'm just fine. Really. Is there something you needed or were you just visiting again?" Allen looked to the window and away from his friends' stares.

"Allen…we need to talk." That made Allen's heart drop. Cross sounded very serious and rather….upset. Not angry upset but definitely some kind of upset.

"What? What about? Are **_you_** alright?" Allen himself was getting worried.

"Tiedoll called me." That made Allen gripped his phone tightly. What all had Tiedoll told Cross? He wouldn't have gone against his word would he? "I know what you did. The choice you made. And we need to talk about it."

"He…..he told you?" Allen grip on his phone was so tight his knuckles were white. Anger bubbled up inside of Allen. Anger was new to Allen. A very unfamiliar feeling and he didn't like it one bit. "He lied to me. He wasn't supposed to tell you. He broke my trust. We aren't talking about it and you can tell him I won't be seeing him next week." Allen said softly but the anger was apparent in his voice.

"Allen…." Cross was cut off by Allen handing up. Allen gripped his phone staring at the window till he calmed down enough to look at the group.

"Sorry about that." Allen smiled politely. The group all stared at Allen for a while before returning to eating. Kanda leaned over the table talking so only Allen could hear properly.

"What was that about?" Kanda asked even though he had a pretty good feeling that it was about Tiedoll.

"Your foster father broke protocol and his word. And I was just starting to trust." Allen stood up leaving money for his food before walking out. Everyone watched Allen before Kanda followed him.

"Moyashi. Moyashi!" Kanda called as he followed Allen. Though why Kanda was even bothering he had no idea. But seeing how hurt Allen was upset Kanda. Allen was walking rather quickly down the sidewalk ignoring Kanda. "Allen!" Kanda grabbed Allen's sleeve near Allen's wrist.

"Leave me alone!" Allen snapped turning to face Kanda as he pulled his sleeve free from Kanda. Kanda stood wide eyed at Allen's outburst. "L-Leave me alone. This was a bad idea. All of this. Tiedoll, you, Cross, all of you. Just leave me alone." Allen said before running away. Kanda stood there before storming off.

"Old man!" Kanda called as he nearly kicked in the door to Tiedoll's house. Tiedoll's office hours were over for today so Kanda knew he was home. Tiedoll who was in the living room jumped before making his way to the very pissed off Kanda.

"Yu…what's wrong?" Tiedoll was surprised to see Kanda this angry. Kanda grabbed Tiedoll by the front of his shirt tightly.

"Are you a fucking moron!? What the hell did you do!? Whatever the fuck it was you lost the kids trust and now he might give up on help! Now he's gonna lock himself up in his stupid tower and never come out or let anyone in!" Kanda growled pushing Tiedoll away when he was done shouting for now.

"Y-Yu? What are you talking about?" Tiedoll was absolutely confused.

"You fucking moron! Allen said you lost his trust! You broke your word to him and now he wants all of us to leave him alone!" Kanda turned away. If he kept looking at Tiedoll he might punch him. Kanda knew he shouldn't care this much or be this angry but he was. And it was completely out of his control.

"Allen…..?" Tiedoll sighed closing his eyes. "I had to tell Cross. Cross had to know. But….when did Allen tell you this?"

"Just a while ago. We went out for a movie and some lunch with Lenalee and Lavi. He was just starting to open up. To trust people. And your mistake screwed that up!" Kanda snapped at Tiedoll. Tiedoll sighed again.

"Wait, you took Allen out in public?" Tiedoll turned on Kanda.

"Yeah. But not alone so he would be comfortable. Turned out he knew the two I invited so it helped. Leaving him up in his apartment isn't helping him." Kanda commented.

"Yu, you aren't his therapist. You have only known him for like two weeks. You can't know what's best for him." Tiedoll remarked. Kanda scowled at Tiedoll. Kanda hadn't hurt Allen. If anyone didn't know what was best for Allen it was Tiedoll.

"Really? **_I_** don't know what's best for him? Treating him like a normal person is best for him. He actually honestly laughed and enjoyed himself today. He smiled, and honest happy smile. Have you seen or heard him do either of those in the years of you knowing him?" Kanda growled rather irritated with Tiedoll. Of all the stupidest things to do, break a patients trust. One who really needed to trust people, to interact with people. Allen needed to be treated like a normal person too. Was Tiedoll not thinking right? Leaving Allen isolated wasn't best at all. Being isolated gave Allen time alone to dwell on past memories rather than making better ones with friends and people who cared about him. Yes Kanda was an actor but he wasn't stupid. He had studied a lot of Tiedoll's psychology books as a child.

"Yu you aren't a therapist. You can't just try and take over my patients." Tiedoll scolded but Kanda didn't back down.

"You don't really seem to be the best option for him if you and me or him. After two years of therapy you still barely understand what happened to him, and you made the error of sharing information he told you in confidence. And as you said, I've only known him for two weeks only talked to him like three times but have made better progress." Kanda snapped.

"Yu! Remember who you are talking to! I am your father!" Tiedoll was getting tired of Kanda acting like he knew everything.

"You are not my father!" Kanda argued. The two argued for a while longer before Kanda stormed out of the house slamming the door. Tiedoll tried to stop Kanda from driving as it was dangerous to drive angry but Kanda sped off before Tiedoll could stop him.

Since Allen knew Cross was at his apartment Allen couldn't go home. So he decided to go to the library for a while. He sat on the floor in between two book shelves reading a romance novel. It reminded Allen of Kanda cause it was about a samurai and for some reason Kanda reminded Allen of a samurai. Which thinking of Kanda made him think of how they had held hands in the theater and how they had acted at the diner. Allen hadn't held anyone's hand since Mana so it had been a little strange…but it had felt so….right holding Kanda's hand. Allen had felt safe…happy. He took a deep breath closing the book pulling his phone out of his pocket dialing a number.

"Moyashi? Are you alright?" Kanda answered his phone sounding slightly worried. Allen sighed pulling his knees to his chest. Kanda had given Allen his cell number the day he had told Allen that they were going to the movies last week.

"Sorry…I know I shouldn't have called you after what I said earlier…" Allen said softly.

"Its fine. Are you alright?" Kanda was actually it his place now and it was well after his fight with Tiedoll. He was still a little angry about it but he wasn't going to let Allen know.

"Yeah I'm fine. I'm at the library. I….can't go home…Marian-san is there and I can't face him right now…." Allen sighed closing his eyes. Really Allen didn't want anything from Kanda, he just…wanted to hear Kanda's voice for some reason. This was bad…Allen knew it was bad. He was already getting attached to Kanda….and he barely knew him. Allen had sworn he would never get attached to anyone, or let anyone in but Kanda made it hard not to some how.

"…..Do you want to come to my place? It a hotel but still. Better than no place at all…" Kanda offered. Kanda lived in a suite of a high class hotel because he just viewed it as the best option since he was rarely ever home anyway given how busy he was.

"…..I don't know…I didn't really call looking for help…." Allen closed his eyes hoping he wasn't bothering Kanda since he had no real reason for calling.

"Have you eaten dinner yet? It's late." It was almost seven at night now. Which meant Allen had to figure out what he was going to do for the night as the library was closing in about an hour.

"No….not yet." Allen stood up picking up the book in his free hand as he did. He made his way to the check out to be able to take the book and finish it later.

"Come over. We'll eat together." Kanda offered.

"Why…are you being nice to me?" Allen asked as he dealt with the librarian. Of course the librarian didn't really comment on how Allen was not obeying the sign that asked patrons not to use their cell phones near the desk. She thought he was cute so he wasn't going to scold him. Though it did bother her that Allen hadn't seemed to even notice her as he talked to Kanda on the phone.

"Because I can be. Now do you and to have diner with me or not?" Kanda demanded.

"Fine. I'll have dinner with you. Where are you staying?" That made the librarian sigh in disappointment. So that's why Allen hadn't noticed her…Kanda told Allen where he was staying as Allen took the book from the librarian thanking her with a polite smile before leaving. Allen hung up the phone making his way to the hotel Kanda was staying at. Of course such a popular actor was staying on the top floor in one of the best suites the hotel had to offer. Allen stood in the corner of the elevator as a couple who couldn't keep their hands…or lips…off of each other. Allen was staring at the wall to his side awkwardly. He had the hood of his jacket over his head so his white hair was hidden. Finally the couple got off leaving Allen alone in the elevator. Eventually Allen was at the top floor so he got off and knocked on Kanda's door. Kanda rather promptly answered the door. Kanda was wearing a tank top and loose workout pants. Why that was attractive to Allen he had no idea but it was.

"Hey." Kanda greeted moving out of the way to let Allen into the suite. Allen looked around curiously. Geez…Kanda's suite was better than Allen's apartment. Kanda closed the door looking to Allen who stood barely two feet from the door as if he wasn't certain he was allowed to enter the suit further. "Take your shoes off then you can sit where you want." Kanda stated as he headed over to one of the couches in the main room of the suite. After removing his boots Allen sat on one of the love seats. "We can order room service."

"Okay…" Allen nodded looking anywhere but at Kanda who was lounging on the couch. He had just gotten done was a rigorous workout to vent his anger so it was time to relax.

"We'll order then is it okay if I leave you alone so I can take a shower?" Kanda reached out to the menu on the coffee table.

"Yeah of course. I can read while you're doing that." Allen held up his book. Kanda noticed the title of the book.

"That's a good book. I think you'll like the ending." Kanda commented as he held out the menu to Allen.

"You've read it?" Allen asked as he took the menu from Kanda looking it over. Well looking over wasn't the right term, he wasn't really looking at the words. Though he probably make a choice of what he wanted to eat….

"Yeah. A few years back. I liked it." That made Allen laugh softly. Kanda raised a curious eyebrow at Allen.

"Sorry. Its just…not surprising. See…for some reason…when I think of a samurai…I think of you." Allen explained as he set the menu down on the coffee table.

"Really? Me? Why?" Kanda was a little surprised to hear that. Was it because he was Japanese? No that didn't make much sense.

"Hm…you seem…strong, brave, willing to fight for what you want and believe in. You have good values too I bet." Allen smiled at Kanda. Kanda blinked at Allen surprised by his words. Rather than respond Kanda picked up the hotel phone dialing room service. After ordering Kanda left Allen to go take a quick shower. Allen sat reading his book while waiting for food and Kanda to return. It was Kanda first who showed up. He was wearing a clean outfit similar to his work out outfit. Though just as Kanda sat down room service knocked on the door making Kanda stand right back up growling softly. Allen closed his book setting it on the coffee table. The two of them ate their food in silence which wasn't even an uncomfortable silence.

"So what are you going to do?" Kanda spoke when they were done eating. The tv was on, some movie was playing but the volume was fairly quiet. Allen sat thoughtfully for a while.

"I don't know. I am quite sure Marian-san is waiting for me to go home…" Allen sighed. It was likely Cross might even wait there all night. Given what Cross wanted to talk about he would probably wait there for a long while. Damn…Allen was so screwed. He really didn't want Cross to ever find out about the reason why Allen had been in such a situation….

"You can stay here tonight if you want. There's a second room." Kanda pointed a thumb over his shoulder as a set of double doors behind him. Allen stared at the doors for a moment. Could he really stay in the same place as Kanda? It wasn't so much that he didn't trust Kanda…but that he didn't want to be a bother to Kanda.

"I…don't want to be a bother…" Allen was fiddling with the pages of his book shyly.

"If it was a bother I wouldn't have offered stupid Moyashi." Allen sighed, he wasn't even going to fight Kanda on him calling him Moyashi. He didn't really have anywhere else to go so…why not? Allen finally gave in to staying at Kanda's place. For a while both sat reading books with the tv playing in the background before they went to bed. As Allen stood in the bathroom attached to his room he now recalled why he shouldn't have stayed with Kanda. His medication was at home. Well….he should be fine for one night right? Allen was currently wearing one of Kanda's t-shirts and pajama pants which both were a little big on him but he was perfectly okay with that. Allen giggled softly before leaving the bathroom climbing into bed.


	6. nightmares and fear

**Authors note: poorly written rape scene. Don't like? Don't read.**

_Allen was sitting on the floor knees close to his chest as he was watching tv. It had been a long while since Allen had been able to sit and watch tv. He was in a sort of sitting room. There was a couch behind him, a coffee table in front of him and bookshelves along one of the walls. Allen was watching a movie that was playing that actually had Kanda in it so he was rather content. It was also nice that Tyki had been gone for a week and wasn't supposed to be back for another few days. So it was a nice break from everything. He gasped when the tv suddenly shut off, he looked over his shoulder to see Tyki standing in front of the couch remote in hand. Break over._

_"T-Tyki….W-welcome back…." Allen said softly looking to the floor in front of Tyki. _

_"I'm back my pet." Tyki said sweetly. But Tyki was anything __**but**__ sweet. Allen didn't resist when Tyki lifted him up by the arm. "Do I get a welcome back kiss?" Allen simply glared up at Tyki. His glare was his way of saying he was not about to kiss Tyki of his own free will. Tyki grinned before he gripped Allen's hair rather tightly as he pulled Allen up into a kiss. Allen's hands pushed on Tyki's shoulders but he couldn't push Tyki away. Tyki pulled Allen's hair painfully tilting Allen's head back and making him gasp allowing Tyki's tongue to invade his mouth. Tears formed in Allen's eyes making him close his eyes as continued to try and resist Tyki while one of Tyki's hands traveled down Allen's body and around grabbing Allen's ass. Allen whimpered softly into the kiss in distress but Tyki ignored him as he always did. Tyki always ignored Allen's protests. It didn't matter what Allen did or didn't want. Allen was tossed onto the couch before he was stripped of his clothes and turned over so his back faced Tyki._

_"Oh how I missed your ass my pet." Tyki said sweetly as he rubbed Allen's ass before he gripped Allen's hips taking Allen in one thrust making Allen cry out in intense pain and surprise. The tears Allen had been holding back escaped his eyes. Tyki kept a quick hard pace not caring for Allen's pain or discomfort._

_"P-please! Stop! It hurts!" Allen sobbed gripping the couch tightly as if that might distract him from the pain or dull it which it did neither. It still hurt terribly even after all the times Tyki had taken him. Allen had never climaxed once and he bled every time from how rough Tyki was. Allen's pleas were ignored as Tyki continued to roughly take Allen pulling his hair making Allen call out grabbing Tyki's hand that held his hair trying to free his hair. "No! Stop!" Allen sobbed as Tyki released deep inside of him. Tyki pulled out turning Allen onto his side before thrusting into him again. Allen tried to scratch at Tyki but Tyki pinned his hands with his free hand that wasn't gripping Allen's leg painfully. _

_"You belong to me. So stop fighting. Give in." Tyki growled softly between grunts as he kept his rough pace. Allen continued to struggle against Tyki but only with his wrists. He knew full well the consequences of resisting with his whole body and he would prefer to be able to sit some time this week or walk. Walking was good because then he could hide from Tyki. _

_"No! I won't!" Allen cried out his eyes shut tight. Tyki smirked as he continued his torture._

"Moyashi! Hey Moyashi! Allen!" Allen could barely make out a voice calling his name. Suddenly Allen's eyes flashed open as he sat up in bed panting. He looked to Kanda who was sitting on the edge of his bed hair all messed up from sleep. Allen blinked at Kanda who looked rather concerned or upset.

"Wha….oh no….I called out in my sleep didn't I? I'm so sorry Kanda…" Allen looked away wiping his eyes. He had also been crying in his sleep. Kanda reached out to comfort Allen but stopped himself. He didn't want to upset Allen further as he knew exactly what Allen's dream was about. Or at least had a very good idea.

"It's fine. Are you alright?" Kanda was speaking rather gently. There was no need to get upset with Allen. It wasn't his fault. Yeah he had woken Kanda up at like one in the morning but really, Kanda really couldn't bring himself to be mad at Allen.

"Am I alright? No. No I'm really not…." Allen said as tears continued to fall even though he was awake now but Kanda couldn't see that as Allen's hands hid his face and his head was turned away. It had been a long time since Allen had had a nightmare and it was so vivid that he could almost feel the pain so Allen was rather shaken. Kanda gave in as he pulled Allen into a hug. Allen tensed up terribly at first then relaxed a little over time. Kanda could tell how shaken Allen was as he was trembling in his arms and still crying.

"You're safe now. Don't worry. No one can hurt you now." Kanda said softly as he gently rubbed Allen's back. Allen hid his face in Kanda's chest as his hands gripped Kanda's shirt. Kanda's free hand stroked Allen's hair before running his fingers through Allen's hair gently, tenderly. Eventually without Allen really realizing it his head ended up resting in Kanda's lap. Kanda didn't really mind as he continued to run his fingers though Allen's hair. Allen's hair was so soft that Kanda rather enjoyed messing with it. It surprised Kanda to find that Allen had actually fallen asleep. Kanda shifted carefully so he didn't wake Allen and his back rested against the back of the bed. Kanda watched Allen sleep still gently messing with Allen's hair. At some point Kanda had fallen back asleep only to wake up around eight in the morning when he felt Allen sit up in bed. Well it was when Kanda's hand fell from Allen's hair when Allen sat up that woke Kanda.

"Sorry…did I wake you again?" Allen asked softly when he saw Kanda's eyes open a little. Allen was sitting next to Kanda rubbing one of his eyes sleepily which his eyes were a little irritated from all his crying before.

"It's fine. I slept in anyway." Kanda stated when he looked to the clock on the nightstand. He looked to Allen confused when he heard Allen laugh softly.

"I'm sorry….your bed head…its just so…cute." Allen couldn't contain his giggle. Kanda glared at Allen as he tried to fix his hair.

"Shut up. I'm not cute." Kanda growled softly giving up on his hair. His hair was rather unruly in the mornings. He needed a shower and comb to get his hair to do what it was supposed to or he would just have to pull it back into the usual high ponytail. Kanda ruffed Allen's hair trying to mess it up but it just fell back into place which made Allen laugh more. "You hungry? I'll order breakfast." Kanda climbed out of the bed.

"Kanda?" Allen called out as Kanda was about to leave the room. Kanda stopped in the doorway looking over his shoulder to Allen who had turned slightly to face Kanda.

"Thank you….for this morning…for being there for me and not being mad." Allen said softly looking to the mattress ashamed and embarrassed.

"Yeah. You're welcome. You can take a shower. Your clothes were washed last night. I'll set them on your bed for you." Kanda stated as he left the room. Allen sat on the bed for a bit before making his way to the bathroom to take a nice hot shower. He avoided the mirror as he left the bathroom in only a towel before getting dressed in his clean clothes. When Allen walked into the main room Kanda was hanging up the phone finished ordering breakfast. "So, do you usually have nightmares?"

"Um….I used to. I have medication now that helps. But its at home so….I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to wake you up late night." Allen bowed his head ashamed. He really didn't want to bother Kanda. Kanda sighed turning away from Allen as he couldn't stand to see Allen look like that.

"I told you already. It's fine. No one can get mad at you for what's out of your control. So stop apologizing." Kanda huffed as he sat down on the couch opening his book where he had left off last night. After a minute or two Kanda spoke again. "If you're gonna leave at least wait till after you eat or the food I ordered for you will go to waste and I hate wasted food."

"….Alright." Allen sat down in his seat from the night before. He caught the remote that was gently tossed at him with surprising accuracy as Kanda hadn't even looked up from his book when he tossed it. Allen stared at the remote then set it on the coffee table without turning the tv. When Kanda looked at him Allen decided to explain. "I don't really like watching cable. I avoid it when I can. Which is often. I only turn it on at home when someone is over for their entertainment. But I don't get guests that often."

"Right. Well there's a dvd player and some movies if you want." Kanda gestured to the dvd player and the small entertainment center under the huge tv that housed the dvds. Allen made his way to look at the dvds. None of them seemed interesting to Allen. None of them were any that Kanda had acted in so that was their main flaw in Allen's eyes. That thought made Allen blush and shake his head. "What? Don't like any of them?"

"Not really….I uh….to be honest really only like movies you act in…." Allen admitted with his back still to Kanda. Good thing for Kanda too because Allen couldn't see Kanda staring at him wide eyed in shock.

"You are a rather honest person aren't you?" Kanda spoke when he recovered from his shock. Allen simply nodded in response. Allen believed in always being honest. And when he didn't fell like being honest he would answer in a round about way or not answer at all. But he never lied. Well he was starting to question his truth streak but that was an internal debate for another time.

"Allen." Hearing Kanda use his first name made Allen turn to face him but he stayed on the ground. "Do you believe in love?"

"Wh-what?" Allen blinked taken aback by the question. Kanda didn't seem like the kind of person to talk of love. Kanda stood up setting his book on the cushion next to him as he did before he sat on the floor in front of Allen.

"Love. Do you believe in love? Falling in love before you ever met a person directly?" Kanda repeated and clarified his question. Allen stared at Kanda trying to process what Kanda was saying.

"Y-yes…" Allen blushed looking away. He did believe in falling in love with someone without meeting them directly because Allen knew he had fallen in love with Kanda years ago watching his movies.

"Look at me." Kanda commanded softly. Allen slowly looked at Kanda his breath caught when he noticed how close Kanda was. "I think…that you…actually caught my hearts attention."

"W-wha…what?" Allen finally remembered how to breath and speak. This was bad. No, no way. No way Kanda could possibly be interested in him in such a way. That scared Allen. Not because he was afraid he would get hurt but because he was afraid Kanda would get hurt. Allen's heart was like tainted shattered glass and Allen feared Kanda would get hurt by it. Allen froze when Kanda leaned in further.

"K-Kanda no." Allen stood up turning away from Kanda who stayed on the floor staring up at Allen. "You can't have such feelings for me. No. You'll only get hurt. I'm so sorry." Allen picked up his book off the coffee table pulled his hood over his head and left the apartment. As Allen walked to the elevator the doors were open and a man walked onto the elevator. When the man saw Allen walking to the elevator he pushed the button to hold the elevator doors open. Staring into the golden eyes of the man on the elevator Allen froze in fear. The man finally recognized Allen and started to leave the elevator but the doors shut before he could. Allen stood in pure terror for a few minutes before his body finally listened to his mind. Slowly Allen turned around walking back to Kanda's room but he stopped half way.

_"If you wait, he'll come back. He clearly wanted to talk to you." _Nea said in Allen's head.

"I don't want to talk to him. I don't want to see him. Shut up. Don't talk to me Nea." Allen thought.

_"Why not? Why do you dislike Master?" _Nea inquired.

"Don't call him that! He's not my master! I'm not a slave! You aren't real! Go away!" Allen shouted in his head as he started towards Kanda's room once more. Kanda answered the door not too long after Allen knocked.

"What?" Kanda snapped quietly. He quickly calmed down when Allen hid his face in Kanda's chest gripping his shirt tightly trembling in terror. Wrapping his arm around Allen gently he pulled Allen into the room closing the door. Kanda held Allen close once the door was shut. "What happened?"

"….He's here. I saw him…get on the elevator. He saw me…" Allen whispered. Kanda's grip on Allen tightened as he held him protectively. Kanda locked the door before moving Allen to the couch. Once Allen was seated on the couch Kanda knelt down in front of him. Allen's head was bowed so even kneeling down in front of him Kanda couldn't really see Allen's face behind his hair.

"What do you want to do? Do you want me to call someone?" Kanda offered softly as he held Allen's hands which were resting in his lap balled in tight fists. Allen's hands were balled so tight his nails were digging into his palms drawing blood. Allen replied to Kanda's question by shaking his head slowly. "What do you want me to do Allen?"

"D-don't call me that….and please…just don't leave me…." Allen replied softly still bowing his head. Kanda reached up pulling Allen into another hug this one a little more awkward given how they were sitting.

"I won't. Don't worry Moyashi. You can stay here as long as you need okay?" Allen jumped when there was a knock on the door. Kanda gave Allen a reassuring pat on his shoulder as he stood up to check the door. It was just room service so Kanda took the cart from the employee shooing him away quickly before closing the door and locking it again. When Kanda turned to the couch he saw that Allen was gone. Allen was in the room he had used last night peeking out of the door like a frightened child. "It's just breakfast Moyashi."

Slowly Allen emerged from the room staring at Kanda. Kanda sighed looking at the food. He didn't know about Allen but he didn't feel like eating anymore. Allen himself was far too terrified to even think about eating.

"Hello." Tyki smiled politely at the clerk at the front desk of the hotel.

"Oh hello Mr. Mikk. How can I help you?" The clerk smiled at Tyki.

"I just had a question about a guest. Or well I wanted to see if a friend of mine was a guest here." Tyki was being his usual charming self.

"Oh…what might the name of your friend be?" The clerk looked to his computer pulling up the guest list of the hotel.

"Allen Walker. I saw him on the top floor but the elevator closed before I could talk to him." That was the truth. The clerk checked the list.

"No. I'm sorry. Mr. Walker is not a current guest here. Nor has he ever been." The clerk looked to Tyki who actually frowned for a second before giving the clerk a charming smile.

"Well thank you anyway." Tyki tapped the surface of the counter before leaving. Damn. Now how could he find Allen? Well, Allen had to leave the hotel at some point right? Little did Tyki know how long Allen could stay holed up in one place. It would be even easier at a hotel since he could just order food to his room. A few hours of watching the hotel doors Tyki notice someone leave who he swore he had seen before. After some thought Tyki knew where he had seen that Japanese man before. Tyki hurried over to the clerk in a calm manner.

"Oh Mr. Mikk. Need more help?" The clerk smiled at Tyki.

"Yu Kanda. What room is Yu Kanda staying in?" Tyki almost broke his charming mask. He recalled the time he had found Allen watching tv. Kanda had been in the movie and he recalled how much in awe Allen seemed to be of Kanda. It couldn't have been a coincidence that both Allen and Kanda were in the hotel could it? The clerk gave Tyki Kanda's room number. Top floor, no coincidence.

"Thanks. You helped me find my friend." Tyki grinned passing the clerk some money before heading to the elevator.

"Hey. Sorry it took some time." Kanda pulled up to Allen who was in the ally behind the hotel hiding in his jacket the best he could. Allen climbed into the passenger side setting a back pack on the floor before fastening the seat belt.

"Its fine. Thanks for doing this. I'm almost one hundred percent he is watching the front door." Allen said staring out the window as Kanda started to drive.

"Right. Where are we going?" Kanda asked as he took the pack at Allen's feet putting it in the back seat while they were at a stop light.

"….To Tiedoll. I need to talk to him…" Allen sighed. The car ride was silent as Kanda drove to Tiedoll's office. Kanda followed Allen into the office building and up to Tiedoll's office. Kanda sat on one of the couches in the waiting area while Allen talked quietly to the receptionist lady. After a short conversation Allen walked over to Kanda sitting next to him.

"I have to wait. He has a patient right now…" Allen sighed holding his head in his hand exhausted. Kanda watched as Allen sat silently his face hidden behind his hair once more. Asking if Allen was alright really was not the best idea right now. Right now, Kanda himself was, by definition, homeless as he decided he couldn't go back to that hotel as Tyki was staying there even though Kanda didn't know who Allen was so scared of or who he had seen at the hotel. Wait….

"Tyki Mikk!" Kanda recalled the name. Hearing Kanda say that name made Allen jump out of fear and the receptionist out of surprise. Allen looked around terrified for a moment then looked to Kanda. "That was what was on the tv! And I saw him in the lobby when I left. That sick egotistical bastard!" Kanda growled not noticing Allen or the receptionist staring at him. Allen took a deep breath trying to calm his startled heart.

"K-Kanda…" Allen reached out gently grabbing Kanda's sleeve hoping to calm him down. But Kanda was too far gone to be calmed down now.

"I have to work with that son of a bitch!" Kanda stood up kicking over the coffee table. Allen shrank back into the couch watching Kanda vent his anger. The receptionist had picked up her phone but wasn't sure to call security or Tiedoll's office phone as she knew Kanda was one of Tiedoll's foster sons. Luckily the receptionist didn't have to make a choice as Tiedoll walked out of his office to see what all the commotion was. Tiedoll was surprised to find Kanda kicking the turned over coffee table and Allen trying to be invisible on the couch. "I'm gonna kill him!"

"Yu? What happened?" Tiedoll grabbed Kanda's shoulders trying to get him to stop kicking the now half broken coffee table. "Yu calm down you're scaring Allen!" That seemed to get Kanda's attention. Slowly Kanda looked to Allen on the couch.

"Moyashi…" Kanda calmed down when he saw how scared Allen was.

"I…I'm okay…." Allen slowly came out of hiding.

"What happened? What are you two doing here? Let's go in my office." Tiedoll led the two to his office sending his other patient off for the day. Kanda sat on the couch while as per habit Allen was pacing behind the couch Kanda was on but more slowly. "So what happened?" Tiedoll after the silence stretched for too long. Allen and Kanda looked to each other. Allen took a deep breath deciding to speak up.

"I…saw **_him_** today. I was leaving Kanda's place and he was getting on the elevator. He recognized me. I went back to Kanda's place and we decided it was best to leave. Kanda went through the front door and I snuck out the back knowing he would be watching the front door. Seems I was right." Allen looked from Tiedoll to Kanda who was glaring at the wall.

"Fucking Tyki Mikk. That son of a bitch." Kanda muttered full of hate. The two had met a few times before in certain social settings surrounding their work. Kanda had never liked Tyki. Now he down right fucking hated him and wanted nothing more than to kill him slowly and painfully.

"Allen…" Tiedoll was cut off by Allen.

"Do not ask me if I am alright. Do not ask me if I want you to call Marian-san. I am not alright and I do not need Marian-san. I don't need anyone." Allen turned away from Kanda and Tiedoll.

"You're right Moyashi. You don't need us. You want us. Even you don't want to be alone. Otherwise you wouldn't have sought me out. You wouldn't have sought out help. You wouldn't let Cross back into your life." Kanda stated over his shoulder. Allen looked over his own shoulder to Kanda. It looked like Allen was about to cry.


	7. attraction

**Authors note:...don't own man...please review. posting so many chapters today cause i have been working on this for a few days and decided to post it online. Eventually my posting will be more spread out.**

"K-Kanda…could you leave…? I need to talk to Tiedoll…" Allen's voice burned from unshed tears. Kanda nodded standing up leaving the room. Allen took another deep breath moving to sit on the couch. "How…do I tell Kanda I don't want to talk to him anymore…?"

"You don't want to talk to him anymore? May I ask why?" Tiedoll knew that Kanda cared about Allen in his own way.

"Because…I love him…And I am unworthy of loving him…He deserves someone much better than me…He…he thinks he might love me….I can't….He can't…he can't love someone as broken as me…" Allen covered his eyes with his hands as he started to cry.

"Allen. You aren't broken. You're hurt that's all. And to me…to be honest…I think Yu is doing a lot of good for you. You are being a lot more open about your feelings. Which is the main step in healing. And it seems you really trust Yu which is also good." Tiedoll pointed out offering Allen a tissue. Allen took the tissue wiping his face. Geez…open with his emotions…that was a polite way of saying he was a crying mess all the time now. "Just…try to live a normal life. Let what happens between the two of you happen. Yu is an adult its his choice if you aren't right for him." Tiedoll explained as Allen blew his nose.

"What if I hurt him somehow?" Allen asked softly.

"I really can't see you hurting Yu. Unless he really does love you and you leave him. You really care about him, that much I know. So I doubt you'll hurt him, and if you do….that's life." Tiedoll assured Allen. Allen stared at Tiedoll for a while. Really…was it that easy? Just let things happen? Taking a deep breath Allen looked to the door. He knew that Kanda was out in the waiting area because Kanda had to talk to Tiedoll about staying at his place for a while.

"Well…Kanda has to talk to you so…I'll just go…." Allen stood up making his way out to Kanda. Kanda was actually leaning against the wall across the hall from the door to Tiedoll's office with his eyes shut and arms folded over his chest. His eyes opened when he heard Allen open the door. Allen started to walk away but Kanda gently grabbed his wrist.

"Where are you going?" Kanda asked when Allen looked over his shoulder at Kanda.

"Home. I guess…I have to be honest with myself. Let whatever happens happen. I'll talk to you later. If possible…I'd like to go on a date with you sometime. Just the two of us. Unless you're scared to go on a date alone with me." Allen teased with a smile as he started to walk away. Kanda stood in shock watching Allen leave before looking to Tiedoll who was standing in the doorway.

"Did he just say he'd go on a date with me?" Kanda blinked.

"That he did son." Tiedoll smiled. The smallest of smiles, but an honestly happy one played on Kanda's lips before he collected himself.

"Don't call me that. I'll see you at home." Kanda started to walk away.

"Wait what? You're coming home?" Tiedoll followed Kanda. All of his appointments were finished for the day so Tiedoll didn't have to stay at the office.

"Yeah I am not staying at that hotel anymore. He stays there. I'll kill him if I see him right now." Kanda stated as he walked up to the elevators. Guess Allen already caught the elevator down.

"Marian-san? Are you here?" Allen called out as he entered his apartment. Upon first inspection it seemed like his apartment was empty. Until he reached his room. In his bed was a sleeping red head. Allen sighed softly leaving the room closing the door heading to his office to work on his story as he was feeling inspired and he hadn't really worked on it the past few days.

Some time later Allen was still in his office but fast asleep at his lap top. His face was actually on the keys so at the end of his last sentence was some gibberish. Allen was quick to wake up when his chair was kicked. He was so startled he actually fell out of the chair. Allen blinked up at the kicker of his chair with one of his legs awkwardly on the seat of the chair from his fall. Cross was glaring down at Allen but his eyes softened a little.

"So you came home finally." Cross took at deep breath moving to the couch in the room. Slowly Allen removed his leg from the chair then stood up turning his chair to Cross before sitting.

"Yeah. Sorry. I needed to figure some things out. I talked to Tiedoll today. He gave me advice for dealing with Kanda. But in its own right it works for dealing with this too. So…you wanted to talk?" Allen decided to let Cross say what he had to say and go from there. Cross sat as he was clearly thinking things over.

"Allen…I really was a horrible guardian wasn't I? Showed up a year after Mana died. Didn't stay long either. Left you alone to deal with the world all on your own when you weren't ready. You still had a lot to learn when I left…and then that bastard used my debt to control you. This whole damn thing is my fault because I was weak." Cross closed his eyes leaning back in the couch. Allen stared at Cross in shock. Weak was never a word that came to mind when Allen thought of Cross.

"Weak? That's not a word I would have ever thought to hear you use to describe yourself Marian-san." Allen said after some time. Cross opened his eyes a little to look at Allen.

"No? Well do you want to know why I had left?" Allen couldn't say no to that. He had always been curious. Thoughts of what had Allen had done to chase Cross off had filled his mind even to this day. Allen nodded his response to the question. "I was meant to be your guardian. But kid…you were too damn cute. I was having thoughts about a kid I was meant to raise that I shouldn't have. So rather than deal with that, I took the weak way out and left. Because I knew that when you grew up, you'd look like you do." Allen stared at Cross not sure he completely understood.

"So you left because you were afraid of what you might do to me?" Allen wanted to make sure he understood.

"And I might have been worse than that bastard. Not in how he treated you mind you, but that I would never have let you go. Why **_did_** he let you go?" Cross had been curious about that.

"I paid off the debt. Of course sooner than he expected but still. I must thank Komui for that." Komui had been the one to get Allen's first book published which allowed Allen to pay off the rest of Cross' debt with the Noah family at least.

"Do you blame me? For what happened?" There was that stupid question again.

"No. I made the damn decision. Will everyone stop asking if I blame you?" Allen sighed in irritation. Cross stared at Allen surprised. He couldn't recall having ever heard Allen swear before. Even with some of his strange rage filled rants that Allen would go on in which Allen had seemed to lose all self control as he would lash out mainly at himself. Cross knew a few of the scars Allen had were both intentionally and unintentionally self inflicted.

"But it was my debt." Cross pointed out.

"Yeah but **_you_** didn't make me pay it. **_He_** did. I blame him. Not you. So just let it go." Allen growled turning his chair to the so he was looking at the wall to the side and not at Cross. "Wait…lets rewind." Allen turned the chair l realized he had over looked an important part of the conversation.

"What?" Cross had hoped Allen would have continued to overlook what he had said. Seems Cross wasn't that lucky.

"Are you saying….you were physically attracted to me?" Allen had a confused disbelieving expression.

"Yes. That's what I said." Cross closed his eyes. Allen sat blinking at Cross. What the hell was so attractive about Allen that even Cross, the biggest womanizer in the world was attracted to him?

"I thought…you **_really_** like woman though…" Allen pointed out making Cross open his eyes to stare at Allen.

"Yeah me too. Then I caught you in your room one day when you thought I wasn't home…" Allen blushed having an idea of what Cross had caught Allen doing. And that was….awkward to say the least.

"So…um…. you know that I'm gay?" Allen cut Cross off before he could say verbally what he had caught Allen doing.

"Yeah. Kind of obvious when I caught you…" Allen shouted in protest begging Cross not to say it out loud. There really was no need to say out loud about how Allen um….relieve stress while watching movies with Kanda in them. God…so that's how Cross knew how much Allen liked Kanda…geez.

"Yeah okay. Moving on." Allen said in a sort of embarrassed sing songy way as he turned to the side again.

"What? Are you ashamed to have been caught masturbating?" Cross held back a laugh. Allen turned bright red puffing up his cheeks in embarrassment not daring to look at Cross.

"It's awkward to say the least…."Allen muttered twisting the chair just a little bit back and forth still not looking at Cross.

"It's a natural thing to do Allen. Nothing to be ashamed of." Cross commented.

"It's a personal moment not meant to be seen by others…that's how you knew I like Kanda wasn't it…?" Allen looked at Cross out of the corner of his eye.

"Of course. And might I just say…" Cross was cut off by Allen yet again.

"No! You can't say anything. We're done on this conversation." Allen waved his hands. He really didn't want to hear whatever Cross had to say on the private moments Allen used to have. Speaking of which…Allen couldn't recall the last time he had had such a moment…sometime six years ago…that's as best Allen could pin point…

"Hey come on. If you can't talk to me about this, what can you talk to me about?" Cross grinned.

"Anything **_but_** that. So…are you hungry? I can make dinner." Allen stood up making his way to the office door.

Kanda was sitting in his bed in his old room at Tiedoll's house. It hadn't changed at all. Most likely Tiedoll only ever entered the rooms that belonged to his foster childrens' rooms to clean them while they were away. Tiedoll had two other foster children, Deisha and Marie. Marie actually still lived with Tiedoll as he didn't want to leave Tiedoll alone and he knew the area best and it was best to stay in familiar territory when one was blind. Deisha was only god knows where in the world and only visited for Christmas.

Resting comfortably in his bed Kanda was trying to read but he was having some difficulty focusing on the words right now. His mind kept wandering back to what Allen had said back in Tiedoll's office before he had left. Allen had in a way asked Kanda out. And that, for some unknown reason to Kanda made him rather…happy…There was just something about Allen…the sound of his laugh the way he would smile when he was actually happy, things like that made Kanda's heart stop for some reason.

"What?" Kanda snapped closing his book when a knock at his door pulled him from his thoughts. Tiedoll opened the door entering the room to sit on the edge of the bed.

"Yu…we need to talk about Allen. I just…I know you won't hurt him. Not intentionally. Just…you have to be careful. Take things slow. Allen has never had a real relationship. The first relationship outside of friendship or in certain definitions family, was that that he had with Tyki…" Tiedoll stated not wanting to upset Kanda but Kanda had to know to be careful with Allen. Tiedoll blinked when Kanda hit Tiedoll in the head gently with the spine of his book.

"Shut up old man. You're wasting your breath. I know how to treat the Moyashi. Treat him normally. Not like some frail glass object that will shatter at the slightest touch. He needs a normal life old man. Not to be babied. And I don't intend hurt him ever." Kanda closed his eyes leaning back into his pillows and headboard. Tiedoll studied Kanda for a moment. Perhaps Kanda had a point. The best thing for Allen…might be Kanda.

"Alright. Goodnight son. I'll see you tomorrow." Tiedoll smiled standing up about to ruffle Kanda's hair but Kanda's death glare stopped him.

A few days later Allen was in his office looking like a zombie as he hadn't really slept in the last few days as he had been busy with his story. Inspiration had hit him like a brick wall and Allen wanted to roll with it before he ran into another writers block. He had gotten quite a bit done with the story. Allen was so tired he had almost not even realized his phone was ringing.

"Hello?" Allen answered the phone in a sort of daze. He hadn't even bothered to look and see who was calling.

"Moyashi? Did I wake you up or something?" Realizing it was Kanda woke Allen up a little.

"Hard to wake someone up who hasn't been sleeping. No. I've been busy with my next book…what's up?" Allen rubbed his eyes which burned terribly. He turned his chair away from the desk.

"I was calling to see if you were busy…" Kanda trailed off. Allen was quiet for a moment.

"Kanda…I would love to meet up…but I like three days is my limit…I need sleep…" Allen sighed. Damn. He should have tried to get some sleep. That way he could have said yes to spending time with Kanda. But sleep was ready to claim Allen and he didn't want to pass out while with Kanda. That wouldn't be much fun at all.

"Yeah. Get some sleep stupid Moyashi. You need to take better care of yourself." Kanda scolded. Allen leaned back in his chair turning to face the computer.

"But you should thank me for staying up. I am almost done with the next book of the series of the book/movie you are acting in." Allen remarked as he saved his work before leaving his office making his way to his room.

"….Still. Get some sleep. I'll talk to you later." And with that Kanda hung up the phone. Allen sighed tossing his phone onto the far side of the bed. As soon as Allen hit the pillow he was out like a light.


	8. Sneaking out with the bad boy

**Authors note: fixed chapter four thank you for helping me with that guys ^_^** **Forgot** **to mention that Kanda is rather OOC a lot. And Tiedoll is going to take a bit of a turn as to how he treats...or views Allen. He still cares about Allen but Kanda is more important since he is Tiedoll's foster son. And Tiedoll is just trying to keep Kanda safe.**

**Do not own man. otherwise it would be FULL of Yullen.**

"Nng…" Allen groaned covering his ears and hiding his face in the pillow as Cross entered his room turning on the light. It had only been two hours since Allen fell asleep after Kanda called.

"Hey. How long do you plan on sleeping lazy?" Cross was talking way too loud for Allen's taste. Allen peeked at the alarm clock on the end table before groaning again and dropping his head back on the pillow.

"This was the first time in three days I've slept…and it was only two and a half hours…" Allen let out a muffled whine.

"What the hell were you doing for three days?" Cross demanded. Allen groaned again rolling onto his side looking at Cross out of one partly opened eye.

"Writing…what else?" Allen hid his face again. Why was Cross always here now? Was he trying to make up for years lost and to deal with any regret he might feel for what happened to Allen? Cause ever since Tiedoll told Cross about why Allen was with Tyki Cross has visited Allen every damn day since. Once a week or so was tolerable….every day….Allen might really go crazy. Or at least too crazy for any amount of therapy to fix him… "What are you doing here?"

"Making sure you remember to take care of yourself." Cross sat on the foot of the bed. Allen groaned pulling the blanket over his head curling up in a ball.

"I was until you barged in…I need sleep….go away…." Allen groaned wanting to go back to sleep. Cross stayed in his place on the bed staring at the ball on the bed that was Allen.

"After your little nap lets go get dinner." Cross stated as he stood up. Allen sighed poking his head out from under the sheets to look at Cross.

"After that can we go to your place? I want to play the piano." Allen asked half asleep.

"We really should move that to you place. So you can play it whenever you want." Cross commented as he stopped in the doorway to look over his shoulder at Allen. Allen's only possession from before Mana died was the piano Mana had taught Allen how to play on. How Allen had managed to keep it after all these year was beyond him.

"And where exactly would I put it? I have no room here for a piano Marian-san." Allen pointed out. Allen's apartment wasn't overly large, it had all the key things he needed and was better maintained then his apartment from high school. Allen could easily afford a **_much_** larger apartment or even a house but he was content with where he was living and most of his money he was saving.

"You could get a bigger place." Cross pointed out.

"I like my apartment. And I like saving my money. You never know when it might be needed." Allen remarked. He noted Cross' expression and realized Cross had taken the 'never know when it might be needed' the wrong way. Allen sighed sitting up in bed brushing his hair back out of his face. "I didn't mean it like that. I mean, accidents happen so one day I might have medical bills, or maybe I'll want to actually buy a car, or a house one day, or hell a restaurant or something. That's what I mean."

"Right. We'll talk later. Get some sleep." Cross commanded softly as he closed the door leaving Allen alone cursing himself mentally for his poor choice of words. Allen sighed plopping back down in the bed. A few hours later Allen woke up from his nap. Once dressed in anew, not wrinkled from sleep outfit Allen went to find Cross. Cross was watching tv in the living room smoking. Seeing the cigarette Allen froze, he took a deep breath before leaving the hallway so Cross could see him.

"Shit kid." Cross cursed as he quickly put his cigarette out by dropping it into his wine. "I thought you'd be asleep for longer."

"It's fine. It doesn't bother me like it used to. But your drinking before driving does." Allen walked up taking the glass of now undrinkable wine from Cross taking it to the kitchen.

"One glass of wine has never affected my driving." Cross stood up making his way over to the door. He grabbed one of Allen's jackets holding it out to him. Allen took the jacket before pulling on his boots. Once out in the hall Allen locked the door to his apartment before they left.

The next day Allen was in his old room at Cross' house. Since they had gone to dinner late and Allen had wanted to go to Cross' after dinner to play the piano Cross had made Allen stay the night. Cross had gone to bed shortly after they had gotten to his house which was the main reason Allen was stuck at Cross'. Allen was looking out the window when his cell phone went off.

"Hello?" Allen answered the call.

"Moyashi. You busy?" Kanda replied. Allen hadn't really expected Kanda to be calling.

"Oh hey Kanda….I'm under guardian watch…" Allen sighed turning his back to the window. "Never seen hide nor hair of the man for years. Then when he came back it was only every so often which was fine…now after he found out why what happened, happened he won't let me out of his sight…"

"Care to sneak out?" Kanda offered. Allen looked to the window again.

"I'm on the second floor…." Allen stated as the only way for him to get out without Cross seeing him was through the window.

"I'll catch you." Allen couldn't help but laugh at that. It was like Allen was the goody two shoe teen girl and Kanda was the bad boy he was forbidden to see. Well…Allen **_was_** a goody two shoe…and Kanda **_was_** a lot like a bad boy.

"Alright. Sounds like fun." Allen was trying to control his laughter but it was too funny and seemed like too much fun to say no. Allen gave Kanda Cross' address to pick Allen up. Kanda literally caught Allen as he escaped from the second floor. Allen was grinning like a fool the entire time breaking into a fit of laughter when they were in Kanda's car.

"You seem to be having fun." Kanda pointed out as he watched Allen. They were still parked so Kanda was sort of facing Allen who sat in the passenger side giggling.

"I'm sorry…Its just so…high school…like a movie. The goody two shoe girl sneaking out to see the bad boy her father banned her from seeing." Allen explained as he wiped the tears from his eyes as he was laughing too hard. Kanda let out a humored scoff before turning to sit right in his seat getting ready to leave.

"Right. So…where should we go?" Kanda asked as he pulled out into the street. Allen finally stopped laughing to think about the question. Why not keep with the high school theme a bit….?

"What about an amusement park?" Allen looked to Kanda. Now it was Kanda's turn to think. It was a sort of off season for amusement parks so it shouldn't be too crowded. Only problem…Kanda had no idea where any amusement parks were. Amusement parks weren't really his thing so its not like he would know where one was if he had never been to one.

"Do you know where one is?" Kanda looked to Allen for a second out of the corner of his eye before retuning his focus to the road. Allen told Kanda of an amusement park he knew of but told Kanda not to ask for directions as Allen had no sense of direction what so ever. Kanda knew the general area of where Allen had said the amusement park was so he should be able to figure it out.

Allen's face lit up as they entered the amusement park. He looked a lot like a kid on Christmas morning or something. Kanda smiled softly at Allen's happy expression but Allen missed it as he looked around. Allen took Kanda's hand as he gently dragged Kanda of to some place or another. After a few rides Allen was sitting on a bench eating as Kanda walked up with drinks.

"Hey Yu! Allen!" A familiar male voice called out. Kanda's eyebrow twitched in irritation as he looked over his shoulder to see Lavi running up to them. Allen had to lean to the side to see around Kanda to see who had called their names even though the voice was a dead give away. Lenalee was walking a little bit behind Lavi as she didn't feel like running. Kanda hit Lavi down as Lavi tried to hug him.

"The fuck you doing here baka Usagi!? And don't call me that!" Kanda growled as Lavi sat up rubbing his head where Kanda had hit him.

"Aw don't be like that Yu!" Lavi whined. Allen had set his plate of food down on the bench standing up a little holding his hand out to help Lavi to his feet. Lavi looked to Allen before accepting the help.

"So what brings you two here?" Lenalee asked sweetly as she next to Kanda. Kanda scoffed looking off to the side. Allen smiled at Lenalee not sure really how to answer. Everyone looked to Allen when his cell phone went off.

"Sorry…Hello?" Allen answered his phone.

"Allen….where the fuck are you?" Cross demanded. Yikes…he had been found out.

"M-Marian-san….I…" Allen was cut off by Kanda snatching his phone away. Allen tried to protest but it was pointless as Kanda held Allen at arms length with his head tilted away so Allen couldn't reach the cell phone he was holding to his ear on the other side far out of Allen's reach.

"Hey. The Moyashi is on a date with me so leave him alone." Kanda snapped at Cross which was half the reason why Allen's eyes went wide with shock.

"What the…you little shit. Who the fuck are you talking to like that? Brat…give the phone back to Allen." Cross growled.

"Go to hell ya old lecture. I do what the hell I want. Don't try and order me around." And with that Kanda hung up the phone.

"Agh…Kanda…he's gonna kill me when I go home…." Allen whined blushing when Kanda grinned at Allen pulling him close by wrapping his arm around Allen's waist.

"Well…I **_am_** the bad boy and you're the goody two shoe girl right? So that keeps with our theme. But you don't have to go home tonight if you don't want to." The proximity and how Kanda was talking made Allen's blush turn even darker. Geez….this was so bad…in such a fun way…. "Wait….damn…you can't stay at my place…I don't have a place…though I doubt Tiedoll would mind if I had a guest for the night. Still keeping with the theme though…"

"Wha…you're staying with Tiedoll? I can't stay at my therapists house…" Allen whispered the last line not wanting Lavi and Lenalee know he was seeing a therapist.

"So…you two are dating?" Lavi grinned. He would have thrown an arm around Kanda's shoulder but that would be a little strange seeing how Kanda was holding Allen and rather closely to his own body. The two turned their heads at the same time to look at their audience.

"And their date has a theme. We should try that some time Lavi." Lenalee giggled softly. Allen was blushing bright red and Kanda actually had a tint of pink to his own cheeks.

"It…wasn't planned….It just worked out that way…" Allen muttered embarrassed. Kanda made his usual 'che' sound looking away. After Allen finished eating the group decided to stick together for the rest of their adventure at the amusement park. Lavi picked a haunted house for the group to explore. Lavi and Lenalee were walking ahead of Allen and Kanda. The engaged couple were holding hands and freaking out together as they walked through the house. Kanda kept stealing looks at Allen who was smiling softly as he watched the couple in front kept freaking out. Once outside the house the group stood around.

"How were you not scared Allen?" Lavi inquired.

"Well…my apartment in high school was a scary place to live. Which is why I never invited you guys over. So…not much scares me anymore after that place." Allen laughed softly. He looked down at his hand when he felt Kanda gently entwined their fingers together though Kanda acted like he hadn't done anything at all. Geez….Allen really needed to work on his choice of words around people who knew about his past.

"Oh? Is that so?" Lenalee seemed a little distraught.

"It's okay. Really. No worries. It was a good learning experience." Allen tried to comfort Lenalee. It seemed to work a little bit. After some time just walking around the group broke off to go their own ways.

"So…what do you want to do? I really don't think Tiedoll would mind letting you stay the night if he knew you didn't want to see Cross." Kanda pointed out as they climbed into his car. Allen took a deep breath before sighing as he buckled his seatbelt.

"I don't know. Don't you think it'd be strange to stay at your therapist's house?" Allen looked to Kanda.

"You aren't. You're staying at your date's foster fathers place. He has more than enough room. Even without the rooms taken by his foster kinds…" Kanda remarked as he started driving.

"How many foster kids does he have? I only know of you and Deisha." Allen stated which surprised Kanda.

"You know about Deisha?" It was really surprising that Allen knew about Deisha as Kanda rarely ever saw Deisha himself and he was okay with that really.

"Yeah. I see him at Tiedoll's office a lot. He and I talk from time to time. I knew about him as Tiedoll's foster child before I knew about you." Allen commented at he looked out his window.

"Well, there's only one other then. Marie. You'll probably see him as he lives with Tiedoll since he's blind. Though he is perfectly functional really…he has like a sixth sense…." Kanda shrugged really unsure how to describe Marie as he didn't really understand Marie himself. All Kanda knew was that he didn't hate Marie. Actually Marie and Kanda got along rather well. Deisha on the other hand…he could be as bad as Lavi sometimes…

"I guess…if it's okay with Tiedoll…I can stay…" Allen looked at Kanda out of the corner of his eye.


	9. Fears

**Authors note: "Master" in this story refers to Tyki not Cross just fyi. Do not own man. Also...its a short chapter. the next one might be kinda long. and will be my last update for today as it will be about as far is i have typed.  
**

Kanda held Allen close as they slept. It seemed at first that Allen wasn't going to have a peaceful night but it seemed Nea had other ideas. In Allen's dream he was sitting in a bed that he knew he hated. And a mirror image of him stood at the foot of the bed.

_"Allen….that man…Kanda…he said he loves you."_ _Dream Nea said. Allen looked from the silk white sheets to Nea. _

_"Kanda did? Really?" Allen refused to smile. He remained stoic not wanting Nea to be able to read him easily. Even if they were the same person that didn't mean they understood each other. Or at least Allen knew he didn't quite understand Nea. _

_"Yes. He did. But you can't love him. Your love will poison him. Taint him." Nea crawled into the bed reaching out to touch Allen's cheek as he smiled softly. _

_"Poison him? I don't think that's right…" Allen shook his head. Allen didn't want to believe he couldn't love Kanda. He wanted to believe that Allen and Kanda could happily be together. That Allen could lessen his self hatred. _

_"No its right. Only Master can love you and accept you as you are. Because he loves you and doesn't want to share you he made it so you can love no one else. If you go back…he can take away your pain." Nea stroked Allen's hair tenderly. Allen slapped Nea's hand away. _

_"You're wrong! Tyki did't love me! That's not why he hurt me! He hurt me to stop me from running away! That's all! Kanda __**does**__ love me! There is a difference! Kanda will keep me safe! He won't hurt me! He'd save me!" Allen closed his eyes and covered his ears. _

_"Oh? Well he isn't here to save you now is he!?" Nea growled as he tackled Allen on the bed his hands gripping Allen's throat. Allen struggled scratching at Nea's wrists. _

_"K-Kanda! Help me! Wake me up! Please! Save me Kanda!" Allen sobbed as he continued to struggle against Nea. He was losing the fight as it grew hard to focus on anything._

"….-shi! Moyashi!" _A voice Allen knew called out in his dream._

_"K-Kanda? Help me…" Allen said weakly, opening one eye a little trying to focus on Kanda's voice._

"Moyashi! Wake up! I'm here! You're safe!" Kanda was sitting up in bed shaking Allen who was struggling in his sleep against Kanda. Allen's eyes flashed open as tears streamed down his cheeks. He reached out wrapping his arms around Kanda sobbing uncontrollably. Kanda pulled Allen up so they were sitting up rather then Kanda leaning over Allen while Allen hugged him. Kanda held Allen close stroking his hair when Tiedoll and Marie came into the room. Kanda looked over his shoulder at the two shaking his head gesturing that now wasn't the time to talk.

"K-Kanda…I'm so scared….Nea…Nea….he tried….tried to strangle me…He's mad…mad that I don't love Tyki…that I won't go back…" Allen surprised Kanda when he pushed away scrambling out of the bed so he stood away from Kanda and the two in the doorway. He stood shaking his head panting. Tiedoll could tell Allen was having one of his panic attacks. "No…I can't…. Kanda…I'm sorry….I can't….Nea will hurt you…I'll hurt you…I…have to go….Don't….don't contact me anymore…" Allen rushed past Tiedoll and Marie hurrying out of the house. Kanda climbed out of the bed to chase after Allen but Tiedoll stopped Kanda by wrapping an arm around Kanda's waist holding him back. Kanda reached out in front of him trying to get away from Tiedoll before glaring at Tiedoll.

"Let me go old man! Its not safe for him! Its one in the damn morning! Let me the fuck go!" Kanda struggled against Tiedoll. He struggled more when he heard the front door slam shut.

"Yu….I can't….my son comes before my patients…" Tiedoll said solemnly looking down at Kanda who was fuming.

"You fucking idiot! He's not just a patient! He's Moyashi! Let me go now or I'll beat the shit out of you!" Kanda gripped Tiedoll's shirt with a death grip.


	10. In the hospital

**Authors note: short chapters...and ignore the whole how many chapters i will be publishing today...-_-**

"Nng….stupid beeping…what is that?" Allen thought. His world was still dark so all Allen could do was focus on what he heard and felt. There was the really annoying beeping that was rythmatic and giving him ha headache. Bedding, his hands were laying on not so soft blankets. He was rather cold so shivers ran through his body. He was so tired, so cold…and something other than his head hurt. What? What else hurt? Allen tired to focus on the pain. Wait...pain? Dead people shouldn't feel pain right? Damn…was he still alive. Allen groaned weakly praying he was wrong. Hoping he had died, that he wasn't, if his muddled instincts were right, in a hospital bed right now still breathing. The beeping…that's what it was. Damn…it was his stupid heart. Still beating…How annoying.

"Nng…" Allen groaned again as he slowly started to open his eyes then quickly closed them. The white was too bright. Too bright after all the darkness Allen had been drifting him for so long. He didn't want to see the bright light. Slowly Allen's lifted up before rather clumsily and meekly covered his eyes. Something was in his arm…there was something attached to it. If he really was in a hospital then in his arm must be…an IV. Blood? Allen reached over trying to pull the IV out clumsily but a hand grabbed his stopping him. "W-who…?" Allen asked barely a whisper with his eyes still closed.

"Kid. You awake?" A stern voice called Allen's attention.

"M-Marian…san…?" Allen still couldn't really focus. He was so tired…so weak…he just wanted to go to sleep and never up again.

"Yeah. Can you open your eyes?" Cross was talking too soft. It was strange to Allen's ears.

"N-no…too bright. Too white…don't' want to see so bright…" Allen's words were a little slurred from sleep and blood loss. He felt the hand leave his and heard movement. A click sound before more movement.

"Better?" What had he done? Allen opened one eye a tiny bit. The room wasn't as bright anymore. The light? Cross had turned it off? Allen blinked slowly opening his eyes to look at Cross. Cross looked like hell…that was a first. He wasn't wearing his glasses, he looked like he hadn't slept in days and his beautiful long fiery red hair was a mess.

"Y-yeah….why….why did you save me…? I wanted to die…" Tears filled Allen's eyes making it impossible to see and made his headache worse. Cross stared at Allen reaching out to run his fingers though Allen's hair. Allen turned his head away from Cross. Cross slowly pulled his hand away. It was clear that Allen was angry.

"I couldn't let you die. I'm supposed to keep you safe. Even if its from yourself…" Cross continued to speak softly. Allen couldn't help but laugh.

"Keep me safe? Where the hell were you six years ago? When he came into my apartment? Forced your debt and himself on me? When I called out, **_for you_**, to help me? To save me. Never in my life have I ever asked for help. And the one time I did, you aren't there when I called for you." Allen sobbed. His head was turned away from cross. He couldn't look at Cross right now. Cross took a deep breath.

"Allen…"

"No! Don't! Don't….say my name…don't speak to me right now." Allen gripped the sheets as tightly as he could which wasn't very tight at all given the damage to his wrists. "You asked once…do I blame you for what happened? I do. And I hate myself for it but I do. If you hadn't been so weak…been such a coward…if you hadn't run away…then the debt wouldn't have become mine to pay off. Tyki wouldn't have held so much power over me. I would have been able to keep away from him. This…all of this is your fault! Get out! Leave me alone! I hate you Cross Marian! You are the worst guardian ever! This is all your fault! You did this to me!" Allen sobbed still not looking at Cross. Cross was frozen in shock before he slowly stood up leaving the room. A few minutes later two nurses came into the room. Allen didn't resist as they restrained his arms with the stupid fluffy cuffs hospitals used. Though the cuffs were a little higher on his arms as the couldn't put them on his now stitched up and bandaged wrists. No if they did that Allen might reopened the wounds. Though right now Allen lay as lifeless as a doll. The nurses looked at him in pity but he didn't care or really even noticed as he stared at a random spot on the wall to his right.

"Allen? Allen are you listening to me?" Tiedoll was practically begging for his attention but Allen was still staring at the wall in his right. Tiedoll was sitting in the chair Cross had been in before which was on Allen's left. "Allen….come one…how long are you going to be like this? You can't ignore me forever." Tiedoll had been visiting Allen every day for the last week. Cross had been back since Allen told him her hated him. And Tiedoll wasn't letting anyone but himself one particular nurse and Allen's doctor in the room. But Cross hadn't been back by his own choice not because Tiedoll was isolating Allen. Tiedoll couldn't stop Cross if he wanted to visit Allen. And Allen knew that.

"Watch me ignore you." Allen thought bitterly as he stared at the wall. He knew the hospital had to let him out at some point. As soon as they did Allen would get as far away from Tiedoll, Cross and all the others as humanly possible. He was so mad, they should have just let him die! They ad no right to take death away from him! He had been so close to being free! So close to making sure everyone he….refusingly…cared about was safe. He was never going to forgiven them for this! T Why couldn't they see they were better off with him dead!?

"Allen….please…We **_need_** to talk. I **_need_** you to talk to me. We need to work this out or they'll commit you…Is that what you want?" Tiedoll said softly.

"Would it get me away from you and the others? That might be for the best…Isolation…that's the best for everyone around me….everyone will be safe if I'm confined." Allen thought as he closed his eyes. When Tiedoll gently gripped Allen's arm Allen didn't react at all which made Tiedoll sighed. "How much time can you even waste here?" Oops…that thought escaped his lips in a quiet whispered. Allen hoped it had been too quiet for Tiedoll to hear.

"As much time as it takes Allen. Glad to see you can talk and know I'm here." Seems Allen was never lucky. He really should give up on luck. Allen sighed rolling his eyes before he slowly turned his head to look at Tiedoll. It was obvious Allen hadn't slept well in the past week. If possible…Allen hadn't slept at all that week.

"I hate you too. Go away. Leave me alone. Just give up. I have so you should too. Commit me. It's better that way anyway." Allen said softly before looking away again.

"Allen…when was the last time you slept?" How could Tiedoll ignore what he had just said? Allen sighed shaking his head.

"I don't know…the drugs they give me…make it hard to seep. How long have I been here?" Allen tried to reach up to rub his eyes but the cuff on his arm reminded him of another reason he wasn't sleeping well.

"Allen…I can get those removed if you can promise you won't hurt yourself again." Tiedoll offered. Allen turned his head to give a strange smile as Allen was drugged and tired to high heaven.

"I can't." Allen whispered playfully before laughing softly. Of course right now he was too weak to hurt himself but if he was free and stronger he would try again and he knew it. "Wait…no...I mean…I promise I won't try to hurt myself."

"Allen…if you are going to lie…don't do it so blatantly. You are better than that. I'm really disappointed." Tiedoll sighed.

"I have never…lied to you before." Allen growled softly as he glared at Tiedoll.

"You may not have lied but I know that you can. And that you could do it well if you needed to." Tiedoll leaned back in his seat. "I'll see what I can do about the drugs they are giving you so you can sleep. I'll see you tomorrow." Tiedoll stood up.

"No! Please…I don't want to sleep….I don't want to dream. They are there…in my dreams…Nea and…Tyki….Please don't make me dream…" Allen begged. Truly begged. Tiedoll stopped by the door to stare at Allen.

"Allen…you need to sleep. Sleep deprivation can have worse effects than nightmares." Tiedoll remarked before leaving. A few moments later the nurse came into the room. Allen finally resisted the nurses actions for the first time since he came to the hospital as the nurse stuck a needle in the injection spot of his fluid IV. Slowly Allen's resisting ceased and his body relaxed as the drug took its affect.


	11. Memories

**Authors note and warning: Rape. Its the first time Tyki takes Allen. It ties in with what Allen told Cross before he said mean things to him...Poor cross...sorta...**

_Allen stood with his eyes shut as Tyki stood up from his bed. His eyes opened quickly when he knew Tyki was standing right in front of him. The look in those golden eyes froze Allen in place. The look in his eyes was with lust and hunger. Not a good look in Allen's opinion. _

_"So…you agree to become my pet?" Tyki gently stroked Allen's cheek with his knuckles. The touch sent bad shivers through out Allen's body. Allen's breath caught as he tried t take a deep breath. _

_"I see no other option…" Allen turned his head away from Tyki._

_"So tell me…have you ever even had sex before." The blush on Allen's cheek was all the response Tyki needed. "Hm…pure…not for long. When I am through with you…" Tyki made Allen look at him by taking his chin between his thumb and index finger. He was grinning maliciously. "You will be the most tainted broken person in the world."_

_Allen gasped as his shirt was ripped open and off his body before forced onto his bed. Tyki made quick work of ridding Allen of all his clothes. Allen was roughly rolled onto his stomach and forced to his knees with his head still on the bed._

_"This is going to hurt a lot." Tyki promised right before he forced himself into the very unprepared virgin entrance. Allen screamed in pure agony gripping the sheet._

_"No! Stop! Please! It hurts!" Allen begged as tears streamed down his cheeks. The pain only got worse which Allen hadn't thought possible as Tyki started to move at a hard fast pace not even letting Allen adjust to his member inside of him. Allen continued to cry out in protested but Tyki ignored him. "No! M-Marian-san! Help me!" Allen sobbed. That made Tyki laugh._

_"That waste of a man can't help you. So shut up and take it." Tyki grunted reaching forward to cover Allen's mouth gasping in surprise when Allen bit down hard on his index finger. Tyki pulled his hand away noting that Allen had actually drawn blood before he gripped Allen's hair painfully as he yanked on Allen's hair making him call out in pain. "You'll pay for that later pet. I promise you that."_

_"You…son of a bitch…" Allen growled. Oh Tyki was going to enjoy breaking Allen. _

_"Its Master. Or at least Tyki if you need to call out something." Tyki gritted as he drew close to his climax. It wasn't too surprising it was so quick as Allen was so tight from being a virgin and that he was refusing Tyki with body and mind. _

_"B-Bastard…I will never call you that!" Allen groaned in pain as Tyki started to thrust harder and faster._

_"Geez pet…you feel so good even as you refuse me…that makes it so much better actually…so tight…" Tyki groaned as he released deep inside of Allen. He pulled out pushing Allen down. "Damn. So good. I'd usually go for a second round but I don't want to break this." Tyki pressed a finger to Allen's entrance that oozed blood and semen. Allen gasped softly biting back a wince as Tyki lifted Allen up carrying him to the bathroom. Oh no way…there was barely enough room in his shower for Allen alone…Tyki really was going to try and fit the both of them? That seemed right as Tyki set Allen on his feet before pushing him into the shower. Allen stumbled into the shower falling to his knees as his hands hit the wall. He didn't move from where he landed until Tyki entered the shower pulling Allen to his feet before turning on the shower. _

_"Oh I know you must hurt pet…" Tyki feigned sympathy as he ran his fingers through Allen's hair. "But you dirtied me with your blood. So you have to clean me." Tyki grinned sadistically. Allen tried to push himself out of Tyki's hold but Tyki wasn't going to let him. _

_"Go…to hell…you did that to yourself. Clean yourself." Allen growled wincing when pain shot up his spine from his backside. He knew he wasn't going to be able to move or sit right for a long while. _

_"Ah-ah. You're my pet. You have to do whatever I say. Now you have three seconds to start cleaning or I'll make you clean it with your mouth. You want that?" Tyki smirked at Allen who looked down right terrified and sick. Allen glared at Tyki before he reached to a washcloth putting soap on it before he started to wash all of Tyki's body as instructed. All the while watched very closely by the grinning Tyki. _

_"Now…. usually you'd be rewarded for listening but since I had to threaten you to get you to listen you get neither reward…nor punishment since you obeyed the three second threat at least. Remember that well pet and you'll maybe be okay. Now pack your shit. You aren't living here anymore. It's gross and rather inconvenient." Tyki stated as he climbed out of the shower. _

_"Can I at least wash __**myself **__first?" Allen asked a little bitter but more quiet than anything. Tyki stopped to stare at Allen for a second. _

_"Be quick. You have till I've dried and dressed." Tyki processed to dry himself. Allen had to kneel in the shower as it hurt too much and his legs were too weak to hold up himself up any longer. Tyki turned to the side to watch Allen. He couldn't help but think of how much he liked seeing Allen on his knees. Allen looked at Tyki out of the corner of his eye to see how long he had left in the shower. Not long. Allen focused really only on washing away the blood and semen between his legs before leaving the shower. Allen left the bathroom in just a towel to get dressed and pack his stuff. His living hell was about to begin._

"Walker-san! Walker-san wake up! You're having a bad dream!" The nurse was trying to wake Allen who was thrashing about as much as he could with his arms restrained. Allen was covering sweat and he was screaming incoherently in his sleep. The nurse jumped when Allen's eyes shot opened and Allen tensed up. At least he wasn't thrashing about anymore which meant he wasn't likely to open his wounds on his wrists. Allen took a deep breath laying down in the bed as he had arched his back while freaking out. As Allen started to lay down the nurse started to fix the cuffs that had gotten loose and had slid down Allen's arms.

"…..I want to see Ka….." Allen started to talk softly then cut off entirely making the nurse look at him worried. She thought he had passed out or something without he trailed off but it was clear he was still conscious.

"Who do you want to see Walker-san?" It was actually the first time she had heard Allen speak. He sounded so alone and in pain. That really hurt her but she wasn't going to mention it.

"No one…. I told him not to talk to me….I have no right to ask to see him…I can't use him like that…." Allen turned his head away from the nurse.

"What do you mean use him?" The nurse asked softly.

"Use him like…I don't know. I just…can't expect him to save me…its not fair. It shouldn't be his job to save me…." Allen closed his eyes as tears threatened to escape.

"Ah so Walker-chan is talking now? This is good." A man stood in the room now. He had dark purple hair and was smiling happily.

"Oh Dr. Lee. I hadn't noticed you." The nurse commented.

"I know. I'm sneaky like that. Hello Walker-chan. I am your doctor. Komui Lee. I've introduced myself before but I'm not sure you heard me last time." Allen's eyes fell on Komui, he looked a little agitated. Allen remembered Komui. He hadn't remembered his name but his smiling face was hard to forget.

"What do you want?" Allen demanded quietly but bitterly.

"Just came to check on you. The nurses said your monitor was rather...chaotic." Komui moved to he stood next to Allen's bed. Allen turned his head forward but he still glared up at Komui.

"Komui….wait…are you….Lenalee's older brother?" Allen finally realized where he had heard that name before.

"Oh? You know my sweet younger sister Lenalee?" Komui said all lovey dovey.

"Yeah…we went to high school together….Please don't tell her what I did. She'll freak out…" Allen remarked.

"Allen…do you regret trying to kill yourself?" Komui asked as he sat in the chair.

"No. I regret failing to kill myself. You wouldn't understand so don't ask." Allen looked away from Komui whose smile had faded.

"Why did you try to kill yourself?" Komui ignored Allen's order not to ask about it.

"Everyone is better off with me dead….safer…" Allen sighed not looking at Komui.

"Are you a danger to people Allen?" Komui needed to understand Allen to figure out what the next step was.

"Only to those Nea doesn't like or he thinks stands in his way to win control and return to the man he thinks he loves." Allen was scratching his palms with his nails hard enough to draw blood but the action went unnoticed by the other two in the room.

"Who is Nea?" Komui shifted in his chair to get comfortable.

"He's….a dual personality I created in order to protect myself. Now I don't know how to get rid of him…He wants to hurt Kanda…I can't let him hurt Kanda. I don't care what he does to me…but I have to protect Kanda….Nea could trick him…make him think it's me then…stab him in the back…" Allen's voice cracked showing his pain more than he cared to show. "I don't want to hurt him…."

"I don't think you can Allen. Your love for him would overpower this Nea person if he tried to hurt Yu-chan. I assume you are referring to Froi's son? Yu Kanda?" Komui watched as tears silently escaped Allen's wide eyes that stared at the ceiling.

"L….love….I don't know what that is…." Allen slowly closed his eyes.

"Just because you don't know what it is doesn't mean you don't feel it." Komui remarked.

"Dr. Lee…he wants to see Kanda-san. He started to say his name after he woke up from his nightmare." The nurse commented.

"No! He's….so mad at me…..as he should be. I don't want to see him….He needs to hate me…" Allen took a deep breath. It'd be so much easier to stay away from Kanda if Kanda hated him. It hurt his heart to think of never seeing Kanda again but it was the best. Komui stood up from his seat.

"Well in the end its only up to you and Yu where or not you two ever see each other again. No one else can make that choice." Komui started for the door.

"Wait…" Allen called out softly making Komui look over his shoulder. "Its rather cold….could I get another blanket?" Allen asked shyly.

"Of course. No need for you to freeze." Komui smiled before nodding to the nurse as a silent command for her to get Allen more blankets. A little while later the nurse returned with more blankets for Allen. Of course the lack of blood in Allen was part of the reason he was so cold. The nurse stayed in the room with Allen to keep an eye on him.


	12. Decisions

**Authors note:...um...I dont know...I don't own D. grey man. and please review...forget to add that all the time...**

Komui was in his office on the phone with Tiedoll arguing with him over Allen's isolation. Allen being isolated wasn't doing him any good. As far as Komui could tell Allen wasn't crazy…just scared and confused. Allen was lost with no sense of which way was the right direction. And the guiding light in the darkness for Allen seemed to be Kanda. Komui knew that Allen could never hurt Kanda. Allen would clearly kill himself before ever even posing a real threat to Kanda. Tiedoll didn't seem to care about any of that. He was being a concerned father rather than a therapist right now which rather conflicting.

"And what if your wrong? You say that Allen could overpower Nea if Nea posed a threat to Kanda. Look at what Allen did to himself. Nea is much more violent than Allen….I can't risk it. Allen is my patient…but Yu is my son. I have to protect him over my patients." Tiedoll explained gripping the phone in his home office. Little did Tiedoll know said foster child was in the hall listening to his half of the conversation.

"I am telling you. Allen, Nea, will never hurt Yu. He is physically incapable. His heart won't let him. Not letting Allen see Yu to figure things out…you would be failing as a therapist. Allen needs help. And you are denying him the only thing that can save him from himself. If Allen manages to actually kill himself…you'll be a murderer." Komui stated.

"You are telling me how to do my job?" Tiedoll almost growled. "Yu is more important to me than Allen. As horrible as it is to say as I care a lot about Allen. I have lost patients before…but I have never lost a child nor do I intend to. Allen can get a new therapist…." Tiedoll was cut off by Kanda practically kicking in his door.

"Old man! You are not going to give up on him! Let me see him damn it! This is about him and me. So **_he_** and**_ I_** should be discussing things! Not you!" Kanda growled slamming his hands down on Tiedoll's desk. Tiedoll stared up into Kanda's eyes. His eyes were very determined and Tiedoll knew there was no stopping Kanda.

"Yu….don't get mad at me…I just worry about you…" Tiedoll hadn't meant to upset Kanda with his words about Allen.

"I can fucking protect myself! He's fucking Moyashi! He can't hurt me! He's too damn weak and too damn caring. Now tell me where he is." Kanda demanded.

"Yu…." Tiedoll sighed. There really was no winning. He gave in telling Kanda where Allen was. Kanda was halfway out the office as Tiedoll told him where to find Allen. Kanda wasted no time getting to the hospital. The nurse in charge of Allen tried to stop Kanda from entering Allen's room.

"Get the fuck out of my way. I have fucking Tiedoll's permission to see Moyashi." Kanda growled softly but it still had its usual effect. The nurse froze standing between Kanda and the door to Allen's room.

"Let him through. Its okay." Komui called from behind Kanda. Kanda glared over his shoulder at Komui as the nurse slowly moved out of the way unsure. Kanda huffed softly before entering the room a little more calm than he was actually feeling. He stopped at the foot of the bed to see a pale sleeping Allen in the bed. It was painful to see Allen in such a state. Kanda walked slowly to the side of the bed reaching out to look at Allen's bandaged wrist that was closest to him. He unwrapped the bandage to see just how badly Allen had hurt himself. It really took Kanda by surprise just how bad it was. Allen was most definitely going to have two more scars. Even the best of surgeons couldn't prevent the deeps scars Allen was going to have when the wounds were completely healed. Slowly Kanda's hand trailed up to the cuff on Allen's arm. It really pissed Kanda off that Allen was restrained but he understood why he was.

"Don't. I feel safer with them on." Allen said softly unmoving as Kanda started to undo the cuff on the arm which Kanda had removed the bandage from. Kanda stared down at Allen as Allen slowly opened his eyes to look up at Kanda. He seemed so tired…worn out. Done. Allen was done. He had given up. Allen was done fighting.

"Moyashi….you need to get out of here. This place is depressing." Kanda said softly as he looked around the room avoiding looking at Allen. He couldn't stand to see Allen like this. So lifeless and weak. Allen laughed softly as he shook his head.

"I'm never getting out. After this I'm quite certain I'm going to be committed…I mean come on Kanda. Seriously? I tried to kill myself…I have split personality…I'm crazy…I need to be committed." Allen was trying not to laugh.

"Shut up. When the hell did you become so weak?" Kanda demanded glaring down at Allen who stared in return. "This really isn't you at all. You're just giving up like that? You're going to let Nea win just like that? When happened to the Allen that was starting to open up? Started to actually live again? Like a normal person."

"K-Kanda…." Allen stared up at Kanda unsure of what to say. What **_could_** he say? Allen blinked as tears threatened to escape his eyes. He was so tired of crying. Of being so weak. "K….Kanda….h-help me….I don't want to be weak anymore….I want to be normal…I want to be able to stand at your side and not be afraid of myself….I know I really have no right to ask you to…." Allen was cut off by something warm and soft pressing against his lips. Allen opened his eyes that he hadn't even realized he closed to see that what he was feeling was Kanda's lips pressed to his own. Kanda's eyes were closed so he didn't see the tears that fell from Allen's eyes as he closed his eyes again.

"I….love you Kanda…." Allen said softly into the kiss.

"Good. Cause I love you too Moyashi." Kanda smiled softly as he pulled away just a little to stare into Allen's eyes. "Ha. I found you Moyashi. I knew you were in there." Kanda smiled softly as he saw some of the life return to Allen's eyes. But with that life came confusion, fear and uncertainty. Kanda brushed Allen's bangs back as he placed a tender kiss on Allen's forehead.

"I'll help you. No matter what. I'll help you become strong. And for as long as you let me…I'll keep you by my side." Kanda promised. Allen let out a shaky breath as he closed his eyes again. He was…..so happy…and so scared. But with Kanda at his side…Allen could believe that everything would be alright in the end.

"…..Would it be too much to ask you to say that again…?" Allen asked softly. Kanda stared at Allen trying to figure out what he needed to hear again. Kanda gently flicked Allen's forehead.

"Just this once I'll say it cause you asked. I love you Moyashi. So you're just gonna have to deal with me." Kanda teased making Allen laugh softly. ****

"Thank you Kanda." Allen smiled up at Kanda. Really in his own strange way Kanda was very caring. And Allen was very thankful to have been able to get to meet Kanda in person. Oh….that made Allen think of something. Something he needed to fix. "Kanda….could you do me a favor? I need to talk to Marian-san. Can you ask him to come to the hospital to see me? I haven't seen him since a little after I woke up here."

"Sure….I guess I can tell him you want to see him…" Kanda had a very displeased expression as he looked off to the side. Kanda and Cross really did not get along. Allen had no idea as to why that was, he just knew it was true.

"Thank you Kanda. For everything. You really are like a samurai…my samurai…" Allen smiled up at Kanda sleepily yet very happy. Kanda scoffed softly in slight amusement as he shook his head softly.


End file.
